Sweet Surrender

2011: What A Year

2011-12-31T17:14:00.000-06:00

2011 was nothing short of a roller coaster ride if I've ever been on one.

God was so so gracious in all of His dealings with me. In fact, I was telling a friend the other day, "God has done an incredible work in three short years and he continues to show me increasing favor."

I believe last we (you and I) talked I was wrapping up the end of my summer session at the Boys & Girls Club. With great expectation and anticipation I can tell you I am now back in the great state of Texas (indefinitely).

So many prayers were answered this year.

Prayer for...

A job
Direction
Increased faith
The salvation of souls
Roommates
A place to live
Revelation of sin
Humility
Community that runs deep
Greater love
Financial provision
Grace, grace, and more grace

...one of these days I'll read through my old journals and make a running list of answered prayers.

Famous last words, right?

Well, if you think about it, all prayers are answered in some way or another. If we really believe God is all-good and all-loving, then even in those prayers He "seemingly" didn't answer He worked in our best interest.

God says of David:

“Because he loves me...I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him" (Psalm 91:14-15)

He does the same for all of His children.

Take heart, though oft His answer seems terribly late, He loves us most when He says, "Wait."

In the past I could read all these stories of saints waiting for years for God to answer them and for whatever reason (ahem, lack of faith) I always thought, "Sure, He answered those guys, but will He really answer me? Little ole me?"

Truth be told, at those moments I thought myself a giant holding onto my little pocket-sized Jesus. Little? Yeah right, my head was anything but little.

And after waiting only 10 months in the-middle-of-nowhere Alabama, He answered! Shocked? I shouldn't have been. Or should I have?

There is this funny tension between knowingly expecting God to answer our prayers and our surprise when He does. What's that about? Seriously, please email me if you know.

Alas, I seriously digress.

2012, I'm expecting even greater things from you. I have a hunch you will not disappoint.

To leave you with one last reminder of God's amazing grace:

I have been given the best job with the best co-workers and the best bosses, not to mention incredible roommates and Church family, any girl my age could ask for.

To God Most High be all glory, honor, and praise forevermore!

Summer 2011...long overdue

2011-10-13T22:56:00.000-05:00

This has been quite possibly the most challenging and most rewarding summer yet. Well, it's neck-in-neck with nannying those three little ones last summer.

They are each a blessing in their own way.

What continues to blow my mind is how great each of these 192 chillins (children) have impacted my heart. Each holds a delicate piece of it in their hands. Naturally some have bigger pieces. After all, you can only get to know a few so well in 9 (relatively) short weeks.

Goodness, God is so gracious to me.

If only I could recount all the amazing things He has done this summer. After running full-force ahead for nine straight weeks, it's going to take a few weeks to fully recover and a couple more months to let the beautiful details of His brilliant plan sink in. I wish I could explain how I experienced Him in even the smallest of details.

Jon Bloom captures the essence of what I want to say:

...nothing that happens to you today is really ordinary. Every small and great thing you encounter or do has millions of stories behind it that are so enthralling that you would sit dumbstruck for days just to learn about them.

And your extraordinary life is shaping and being shaped by many other lives, human and non-human, as it goes along. In ways both witting and unwitting your words and actions are influencing the course of other lives. Your choice of a parking spot could have a life-altering effect on someone else.

Do not let a belief in the sovereignty of God dull your amazement over this. Let it add, not detract, from your wonder! Just think of how God designed his creation to occur.

I wish I knew each of these kids' stories. No two are alike. At the same time, I don't think I have the capacity to handle the weight of each of their stories. Broken homes. Broken families. Broken hearts. And yet, I see the infinite grace of God and His plan of redemption in each of their eyes. That is a gift in and of itself. In the midst of brokenness there is hope.

Hope of eternity spent rejoicing in the holiness of our Father. Hope that I pray God will reveal to each of these precious treasures.

For all who areled by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, thenheirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ,provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

(Romans 8:14-17)

The one thought resounding in my mind for the past few hours has been that the most rewarding things tend to be the most challenging.

We are not promised a piece-of-cake life.

But, oh, taste and see what is to come!

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

And that which, by His amazing grace, we are able to see now...

And always enjoy the ride...

Resolved

2011-10-13T22:53:00.000-05:00

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit (2 Corinthians 3:18).

My, oh my, God is good! I wish I could divulge all the amazing things He is doing in and around me right now, but suffice it to say He is most definitely alive in this small town. He continues to remind me that His grace is sufficient; that those who are faithful with little will be entrusted with much; and that no one, absolutely no one, is beyond salvation.

Oh, Lord, help my unbelief!

Inspired by the resolutions of Jonathan Edwards written some 288 years ago, I drafted a much more simplified list of my own, and here now, for the purposes of documentation and accountability, I am publishing them for the whole world to see.

I have already failed miserably. Alas, my hope lies in the scripture first listed in this post.

I resolve to love God each day with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength.

I resolve to give my Lord the first fruits of my labors.

I resolve to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, trusting that all else necessary for His glory will be given unto me.

I resolve to share His magnificent gospel with all peoples, tribes, tongues, and nations placed in my path.

I resolve to love my neighbor as myself, giving sacrificially and expecting nothing in return.

I resolve to pray for my enemies daily, conscious of the fleeting time with which their eternal destiny will be determined.

I resolve to have no other gods than the one and only Father, Spirit, and Savior of the world -- Jesus Christ -- and to forsake all things competing with them for my affections.

I resolve to daily lay all things at the foot of the cross in hope of being filled with and led by the Holy Spirit, by His grace, for my joy and His supreme glory.

July 17, 2011 (or somewhere around there)

The Great Paradox of Christianity

2011-08-26T23:09:00.000-05:00

The more we get what we now call "ourselves" out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become. There is so much of Him that millions and millions of "little Christs," all different, will still be too few to express Him fully. He made them all. He invented -- as an author invents characters in a novel -- all the different men that you and I were intended to be. In that sense our real selves are all waiting for us in Him. It is no good trying to "be myself" without Him. The more I resist Him and try to live on my own, the more I become dominated by my own heredity and upbringing and surroundings and natural desires. In fact what I so proudly call "Myself" becomes merely the meeting place for trains of events which I never started and which I cannot stop. What I call "My wishes" become merely the desires thrown up by my physical organism or pumped into me by other men's thoughts or even suggested to me by devils...Propaganda will be the real origin of what I regard as my own personal political ideals. I am not, in my natural state, nearly so much of a person as I like to believe: most of what I call "me" can be very easily explained. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to His Personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own...

There are no real personalities anywhere else. Until you have given up your self to Him you will not have a real self. Sameness is to be found most among the most "natural" men, not among those who surrender to Christ. How monotonously alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been: how gloriously different are the saints.

But there must be a real giving up of the self. You must throw it away "blindly" so to speak. Christ will indeed give you a real personality: but you must not go to Him for the sake of that. As long as your own personality is what you are bothering about you are not going to Him at all. The very first step is to try to forget about the self altogether. Your real, new self (which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sound strange? The same principle holds, you know, for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fiber of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will ever by really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Love

2011-05-05T00:34:00.000-05:00

"[Love] is a grace which all people profess to admire. It seems a plain practical thing which everybody can understand. It is none of 'those troublesome doctrinal points' about which Christians disagree. Thousands, I suspect, would not be ashamed to tell you that they know nothing about justification, or regeneration, or about the work of Christ, or of the Holy Spirit. But nobody, I believe, would like to say that he knows nothing about love! If men possess nothing else in religion, they always flatter themselves that they possess 'love'" (J C Ryle).

And, yet, how many of us know the meaning of biblical love? More importantly, how many of us practice the greatest of the graces.

I will be the first to confess my weakness in this area. It is so easy to consider myself greater than the children I work with daily -- so easy to feed on their frustration, so easy to lose my temper, so easy to vomit up words I will immediately regret.

And, yet, I have graciously had my heart of stone replaced with a heart of Love. Certainly this was not my own doing. I experience this sick, pleasurable self-righteousness when I set my mouth free to race down the path of destruction. I revel in laying my foot down, in establishing my territory, my authority. But all of this, naturally, is of my flesh.

"The natural heart knows nothing of true love.

The love of the Bible will never be found except in a heart prepared by the Holy Spirit. It is a tender plant, and will never grow except in one soil. You may as well expect grapes on thorns, or figs on thistles, as look for love when the heart is not right.

The heart in which love grows is a heart changed, renewed, and transformed by the Holy Spirit. The image and likeness of God, which Adam lost at the fall, has been restored to it, however feeble and imperfect the restoration may appear. It is to 'participate in the Divine nature' by union with Christ and Sonship to God; and one of the first features of that nature is love. (2 Peter 1:4)

Such a heart is deeply convinced of sin, hates it, flees from it, and fights with it from day to day. And one of the prime elements of sin which it daily labors to overcome, is selfishness and lack of love.

Such a heart is deeply aware of its mighty debt to our Lord Jesus Christ. It feels continually that it owes to Him who died for us on the cross, all its present comfort, hope, and peace. How can it show forth its gratitude? What can it render to its Redeemer? If it can do nothing else, it strives to be like Him, to walk in His footsteps, and, like Him, to be full of love. The fact that, 'God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit' is the surest fountain of Christian love. Love will produce love" (J C Ryle).

And, so, by grace, I will continue to labor in love -- in loving others so all may see and know and taste the love of Christ -- because without love I am nothing.

Glory Defined

2011-04-28T12:16:00.000-05:00

There are many things I love about the writings of C. S. Lewis: the dry humor, the vivid imagery, the eloquent use of words within our limited vocabulary. Most notably, though, I cherish his God-given ability to put into words that which I feel but cannot adequately express. Such is the case when it comes to glory.

The fact that I will one day be filled with all of God's glory (correct me if I'm wrong) has always been a double-edged sword. It is a marvelous truth on the one hand, yet I've always thought it vain to delight in God's delighting in me. After all, we're supposed to be the ones delighting in Him for all eternity, right?

In part...

"Glory suggests two ideas to me, of which one seems wicked and the other ridiculous. Either glory means to me fame, or it means luminosity. As for the first, since to be famous means to be better known than other people, the desire for fame appears to me as a competitive passion and therefore of hell rather than heaven, As for the second, who wishes to become a kind of living electric light bulb?

When I began to look into this matter I was shocked to find such different Christians as Milton, Johnson, and Thomas Aquinas taking heavenly glory quite frankly in the sense of fame or good report. But not fame conferred by our fellow creatures -- fame with God, approval or (I might say) 'appreciation' by God. And then, when I had thought it over, I saw that this view was scriptural; nothing can eliminate from the parable the divine accolade, 'Well done, thou good and faithful servant.' With that, a good deal of what I had been thinking all my life fell down like a house of cards. I suddenly remembered that no one can enter heaven except as a child; and nothing is so obvious in a child -- not in a conceited child, but in a good child -- as its great and undisguised pleasure in being praised. Not only in a child, either, but even in a dog or a horse. Apparently what I had mistaken for humility had, all these years, prevented me from understanding what is in fact the humblest, the most childlike, the most creaturely of pleasures -- nay, the specific pleasure of the inferior: the pleasure of a beast before men, a child before its father, a pupil before its teacher, a creature before its Creator. I am not forgetting how horribly this most innocent desire is parodied in our human ambitions, or how very quickly, in my own experience, the lawful pleasure of praise from those whom it was my duty to please turns into the deadly poison of self-admiration. But I thought I could detect for a moment -- a very, very short moment -- before this happened, during which the satisfaction of having pleased those whom I rightly loved and rightly feared was pure. And that is enough to raise our thoughts to what may happen when the redeemed soul, beyond all hope and nearly beyond belief, learns at last that she has pleased Him whom she was created to please. There will be no room for vanity then. She will be free from the miserable illusion that it is her doing. With no taint of what we should now call self-approval she will most innocently rejoice in the thing that God has made her to be...

To please God...to be a real ingredient in the divine happiness...to be loved by God, not merely pitied, but delighted in as an artist delights in his work or a father in a son -- it seems impossible, a weight or burden of glory which our thoughts can hardly sustain. But so it is," (The Weight of Glory).

What a marvelous burden it will be!

Congratulations...

2011-01-14T20:50:00.001-06:00

***Drumroll***

shala_darkstone

You've won the $25 gift certificate to CNSstores.com!!

Thanks to everyone who participated! I had fun writing all the names out and letting someone draw the winner.

Who doesn't love a giveaway?

2011-01-11T23:06:00.000-06:00

Hey friends! I have a fun giveaway for you from CSN Stores, which include more than 200 online retailers!

They have generously offered to give a $25 gift certificate to one lucky winner, redeemable at any of their 200+ online stores.

Just to give you a small sampling, CSN stores have everything from:

modern dining room furniture

to bold accent pieces

to super cute chic pillows!!

Now for the fun part...

TO ENTER

To enter the giveaway, just answer the following question in the Comments section of the post:

“If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be and why?”

Share your dream destination in the comment section below and you’re automatically entered to win the CSN gift certificate!

THE RULES

One entry per person, please.

No entries after noon on Friday the 14th.

Winner will be selected at random and announced on Friday night.

Best Wishes!

2011: The Year of Action

2011-01-02T23:00:00.000-06:00

Imagining. I think I do too much of it.

Imagining is easy. It requires no commitment, no plan, no action steps, no second thoughts, no real work.

Acting. Acting is a bit harder. It almost scares me to think how much I could have accomplished if I acted on 2 percent of my ideas.

In reflecting on 2010, I've realized I'm really reflecting on how much I didn't do. I have complete admiration for my roommate who last fall mentioned an idea for a fundraiser in passing and, BAM, three months later it happened. See, the problem with acting is the possibility of success. I don't think we are deterred so much by failure as we say. With success comes responsibility, commitment, follow-through, reflection.

Deep down, success terrifies me. I'm a big weenie when it comes to responsibility. I choke. I want to defer blame to someone else. Isn't that how we all are? I'll take the credit for my good deeds and blame God for the bumps in the road. The only problem with that is God. He demands his glory all the time. Therein lies incredible freedom.

How liberating it is to know that I will never be at the top!

Jesus is! He reigns!

Here's to a year of making little of me to make room for much of Him.

2011 will be the year I act for His glory, His fame, His renown, and His praise, with His power, His grace, His mercy, and His love.

God, have your way with me. Do mighty things through me in Dothan, Alabama. Give me faith to step forward and see my divinely-inspired ideas to fruition. You are so worthy. Thank you for your promise to finish the work you have begun. Take away all my desire for meaningless things. Set my eyes on your eternal glory. Reveal the temporary nature of everything surrounding me. Set my heart ablaze for the perishing. Give me a new love for my enemies. I ask all of this in your Son's name with full assurance by the grace given me through Christ's shed blood. Exalt yourself in my life for your eternal glory and my everlasting joy. Amen.

2010: Year in Review

2011-01-01T18:31:00.000-06:00

2010, I feel like you left me in the dust.

In January I ran my first marathon by the grace of God. I also went to Passion 2010 with sweet friends and was shaken by the immense poverty facing people around the world today.

February was the first time I led a Discipleship Now group. 18 girls in one (large) house in Houston. It was both challenging and deeply encouraging. My dear grandmother passed away. I will forever remember the memories made in her last days.

March was my first encounter with the people of the projects in inner-city Bryan. There began a beautiful friendship with three girls (ages 6, 9, 11) and their many cousins.

In April I ran a 5k for Compassion International.

May I was a part-time nanny for three precious children and developed a new thankfulness for this single, childless stage of life.

June was filled with typical summer activities...swimming, arts & crafts, movies...and a road trip out to Pace Bend in Austin for the weekend.

In July I moved in with the generous family I nanny-ed for and said goodbye to friends who moved to Guatemala for 15 months to teach at an orphanage.

August marked the beginning of my final semester at Texas A&M University. Those 4 (and a half) years flew by. I was also adamant about permanently moving to Africa come December to care for orphans. The Lord had other plans. I moved into a new house with girls of all ages (18-24) and learned the true meaning of community.

September I considered training again for the Houston marathon and decided instead to hunker down and make sure I would graduate.

October my roommate organized an art show in Belton to raise money for Compassion's Child Survival Program. We road-tripped it out to her place for the night and enjoyed s'mores and the Game of Life.

November I studied my tail off for my finance class and rested with a full tummy thankful to be surrounded by family and good food.

December I interviewed with Teach For America (final decision to be posted Jan 18), graduated with a B.B.A. in management, and moved back in with the rents in Alabama.

I'm expecting big things from you, 2011.

Dazed & Confused

2010-12-26T15:06:00.000-06:00

Here I am in the small town of Dothan, Alabama. I don't know why I am here (well, technically I do: because I don't have a job).

My diploma is sitting in the trunk of my car in Houston, Texas, and here I am waiting...

Waiting to hear from Teach For America.
Waiting for the details of God's next big plan for my life to surface.
Waiting to meet the next stranger and new friend.
Waiting for Mr. Right (and slowly learning I may not need a Mr. Right).

Here I am in a beautiful house surrounded by loving family watching FOX Sports in a room comfortably 35 degrees warmer than the current temperature outside.

I don't know what 2011 holds.

I'd like to say I'm okay with that, but with clothing, friends, and familiarity back in Texas, it's harder than I pretended it would be.

Here I am clinging to the Cross for my present and my future. For eternity.

I may not feel okay, but I am certain I am exactly where God wants me -- waiting in His presence -- for His glory and my joy.

That Incredible Christian

2010-12-11T22:08:00.000-06:00

The current effort of so many religious leaders to harmonize Christianity with science, philosophy and every natural and reasonable thing is, I believe, the result of failure to understand Christianity and, judging from what I have heard and read, failure to understand science and philosophy as well.

At the heart of the Christian system lies the cross of Christ with its divine paradox. The power of Christianity appears in its antipathy toward, never in its agreement with, the ways of fallen men. The truth of the cross is revealed in its contradictions. The witness of the church is most effective when she declares rather than explains, for the gospel is addressed not to reason but to faith. What can be proved requires no faith to accept. Faith rests upon the character of God, not upon the demonstrations of laboratory or logic.

The cross stands in bold opposition to the natural man. Its philosophy runs contrary to the processes of the unregenerate mind, so that Paul could say bluntly that the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness. To try to find a common ground between the message of the cross and man's fallen reason is to try the impossible, and if persisted in must result in an impaired reason, a meaningless cross and a powerless Christianity.

But let us bring the whole matter down from the uplands of theory and simply observe the true Christian as he puts into practice the teachings of Christ and His apostles. Note the contradictions:

The Christian believes that in Christ he has died, yet he is more alive than before and he fully expects to live forever. He walks on earth while seated in heaven and though born on earth he finds that after his conversion he is not at home here. Like the nighthawk, which in the air is the essence of grace and beauty but on the ground is awkward and ugly, so the Christian appears at his best in the heavenly places but does not fit well into the ways of the very society into which he was born.

The Christian soon learns that if he would be victorious as a son of heaven among men on earth he must not follow the common pattern of mankind, but rather the contrary. That he may be safe he puts himself in jeopardy; he loses his life to save it and is in danger of losing it if he attempts to preserve it. He goes down to get up. If he refuses to go down he is already down, but when he starts down he is on his way up.

He is strongest when he is weakest and weakest when he is strong. Though poor he has the power to make others rich, but when he becomes rich his ability to enrich others vanishes. He has most after he has given most away and has least when he possesses most.

He may be and often is highest when he feels lowest and most sinless when he is most conscious of sin. He is wisest when he knows that he knows not and knows least when he has acquired the greatest amount of knowledge. He sometimes does most by doing nothing and goes furthest when standing still. In heaviness he manages to rejoice and keeps his heart glad even in sorrow.

The paradoxical character of the Christian is revealed constantly. For instance, he believes that he is saved now, nevertheless he expects to be saved later and looks forward joyfully to future salvation. He fears God but is not afraid of Him. In God's presence he feels overwhelmed and undone, yet there is nowhere he would rather be than in that presence. He knows that he has been cleansed from his sin, yet he is painfully conscious that in his flesh dwells no good thing.

He loves supremely One whom he has never seen, and though himself poor and lowly he talks familiarly with One who is King of all kings and Lord of all lords, and is aware of no incongruity in so doing. He feels that he is in his own right altogether less than nothing, yet he believes without question that he is the apple of God's eye and that for him the Eternal Son became flesh and died on the cross of shame.

The Christian is a citizen of heaven and to that sacred citizenship he acknowledges first allegiance; yet he may love his earthly country with that intensity of devotion that caused John Knox to pray "O God, give me Scotland or I die."

He cheerfully expects before long to enter that bright world above, but he is in no hurry to leave this world and is quite willing to await the summons of his Heavenly Father. And he is unable to understand why the critical unbeliever should condemn him for this; it all seems so natural and right in the circumstances that he sees nothing inconsistent about it.

The cross-carrying Christian, furthermore, is both a confirmed pessimist and an optimist the like of which is to be found nowhere else on earth.

When he looks at the cross he is a pessimist, for he knows that the same judgment that fell on the Lord of glory condemns in that one act all nature and all the world of men. He rejects every human hope out of Christ because he knows that man's noblest effort is only dust building on dust.

Yet he is calmly, restfully optimistic. If the cross condemns the world the resurrection of Christ guarantees the ultimate triumph of good throughout the universe. Through Christ all will be well at last and the Christian waits the consummation. Incredible Christian!

A. W. Tozer

2010-12-01T11:37:00.000-06:00

If some of the branches have been broken off, and you, though a wild olive shoot, have been grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing sap from the olive root, do not consider yourself to be superior to those other branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you. You will say then, “Branches were broken off so that I could be grafted in.” Granted. But they were broken off because of unbelief, and you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but tremble. For if God did not spare the natural branches, he will not spare you either (Romans 11:17-21).

Lord, humble me to fall at the foot of the cross in trembling thankfulness, confident that I would not be your daughter today except for your merciful, unmerited grace. For your glory and my joy. Amen.

I stole this from my friend's blog

2010-11-16T14:52:00.000-06:00

Precious!!

See more at toda mi alabanza doy

In Christ Alone

2010-10-26T09:20:00.000-05:00

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
- 2 Corinthians 5:17

2010-10-05T01:34:00.000-05:00

I am a living dichotomy. My heart is broken in two for two separate places - one where I want to go and one where God seems to want me to go.

My heart breaks for orphans. All of them. Everywhere. Helpless babes unable to do anything except breathe...for now. Neglected, unloved by people. Half of my heart wants to swoop in and take up all of these precious little ones, to call them my own, to show them the love my Heavenly Father has so graciously shown me, to raise them up to be men and women of the Lord, to speak truth into their lives, to learn what it really means to have been adopted for life by my Savior. Part of me wants all of that.

The other part of my heart I don't want to talk about. It's secret. Dirty. Hostile. Dark. It's the part of me that does not want to go to Dallas, to minister to the wealthy, to love the rich, to remind myself constantly that they need Jesus just as much as the orphans. It's easy to love those you like. It's not easy to love those you hate. Yes, I said it. I'm a mocker, a scoffer, a judge, a punk to say the least. My heart is corrupted by ill-will for Dallas. The scariest part of all of this is the bible. "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love" (1 John 4:8).

Jesus, break my heart for those you died for, for those you love as much as the next, for those blinded by riches, fame, and the latest fashion. Bring me to my knees in prayer for the people of Dallas.

2010-09-13T21:08:00.000-05:00

My beautiful friend, Emily.
____________________________________________

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

No more catchy titles

2010-08-26T09:11:00.000-05:00

They take too much time to think up. Those are wasted seconds (In my opinion).

So here I am ready to do a heart dump on the internet. I don't care who reads it. I don't care who doesn't. I just need to throw up a little bit here.

It would be an understatement to say that every time someone asks me how I'm doing, I lie. My typical response is, "Oh, I'm doing good." or "Oh, things are great!" Usually it's a situational response at best.

Ask me how I'm doing now?

Answer: I'm struggling.

I'm struggling to understand how people live here in the United States. I'm struggling to understand why I am a college student, why I have been blessed with an amazing education, why my parents love me so much, why God saw fit to send Jesus to die for me, why He loves me that much, why I live in a nice house with a comfy bed...

and why I want to give all of that up to leave the United States and feed the poor, the unloved, the destitute, and the dirty in a remote impoverished village in a third world country.

My heart beats wildly at the idea! No, at the reality that this is something I could actually do. I can pick up and leave! I am not tied down to anything at this time in my life. I graduate in December and have zero plans for what's to come.

Psalm 139 has never felt more real.

"O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it."

He knows me. He KNOWS me. My every thought before I think it. My every word before I speak it. And I am confident I can trust Him because He knows me better than I know myself. Right now, when I can choose to run in 148 different directions, that is comforting.

It is also comforting to know that my every day has already been planned. I don't know where I will be in 6 months. I don't know where I will be in 6 days or 6 hours. Heck, I may be with Jesus himself!

But I know that God will direct my steps on whatever path I choose to take.

Thankful for Creative Friends

2010-06-30T22:54:00.000-05:00

I am so blessed to know these two wonderful women of God.

Meet...

Jessie

...and...

Kristin

Kristin moved out to Austin recently for her new big kid job. Needless to say, we miss her dearly. So we took a trip out to visit her this past weekend and enjoyed a nice getaway at Pace Bend. I am so thankful for these girls and their friendship. I love witnessing Christ working every day in their lives and find great joy in how he is conforming them to His image moment by moment.

I also love how they work together.

Look at these awesome pictures:

Jessie took both pictures and Kristin edited them. I love having creative friends! They inspire me! They challenge me to see the world from God's perspective. They see things that I don't see.

Such is the beauty of fellowship in the body of Christ!

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one!

2010-06-21T00:18:00.001-05:00

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, and I Thy true son,
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise;
Thou mine inheritance, now and always;
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'n's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

"When a prophet of the Lord is among you, I reveal Myself to him in visions, I speak to him in dreams." (Numbers 12:6)

Rainy Days Make for Indian Princesses

2010-06-04T01:34:00.000-05:00

These are the precious girls I nanny every day.

They are so stinkin' cute.

I'm one lucky girl.

Today was rainy and just-plain-yuck outside, so they painted up as Indian princesses (actually, they kind of resemble Avatars) and we headed over to Blue Baker for some free cookies.

p. s. They are OBSESSED with Annie. Every middle-aged man who walks by is "Daddy Warbucks."

Bye Bye, Law School

2010-06-01T22:51:00.000-05:00

It's my roommate's 21st birthday and I told her I was going to sleep 2 hours ago. I'm a terrible roommate. I planned on going to sleep until I noticed I had less than 20 pages left in Knowing God and was drawn to finish it tonight. Task accomplished. But that's not the point of this post. I wanted to update you on may latest plans

***drum roll***

not to go to law school.

Yesterday morning I woke up and finally came to terms with the fact that I do not see myself being an attorney in ten years...despite my ambition to be one since at least middle school. Crazy enough, I'm considering teaching. If you asked me in 7th grade if I would want to ever be a teacher I would have laughed at you...not even answered...just laughed.

I don't really know what I'll end up doing, but I can tell you it won't involve law school!

Freedom at last!

After two months and three weeks of studying for the LSAT, I've decided I'm still taking it next week for kicks. And because my parents want me to. I LOVE that they support my decision. They would support me either way, something for which I am extremely grateful and do not thank them enough.

In other great news...

Through the end of June, Christian Audio is offering a free download of “Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit” by Francis Chan. Download this free audio book here using the coupon code JUN2010 at checkout.

Enjoy!

2010-05-30T15:13:00.001-05:00

Next Five Minutes from David Platt on Vimeo.

Love it!

2010-05-23T15:25:00.000-05:00

I read these songs in Knowing God and loved them enough to post on here (and revel in God's glory) :

Bearing shame and scoffing rude
In my place condemned He stood;
Sealed my pardon with His blood:
Hallelujah! What a Savior!...

***

He left His Father's throne above,
So free, so infinite His grace;
Emptied Himself of all but love
And bled for Adam's helpless race.
Amazing love! How can it be?
For O, my God, it found out me!...

***

If Thou hast my discharge procured,
And freely in my room endured
The whole of wrath divine,
Payment God cannot twice demand,
First at my bleeding Surety's hand,
And then again at mine.

Then turn, my soul, unto thy rest;
The merits of thy great High Priest
Have bought thy liberty.
Trust in His efficacious blood,
Nor fear thy banishment from God,
Since Jesus died for thee!

His Word is Alive

2010-05-20T01:49:00.000-05:00

I love when God shows me just how real he is when I pray in faith.

Tonight I was praying for the three children I have the privilege of watching a few hours each day and was thinking about all of the seeds I need to sow this summer (and how ill-equipped I am to do that).

I've been reading through the Psalms and opened my bible tonight to the next psalm...

¹ O my people, hear my teaching;
listen to the words of my mouth.
² I will open my mouth in parables,
I will utter hidden things, things from of old-
³ what we have heard and known,
what our fathers have told us.
⁴ We will not hide them from their children;
we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD,
his power, and the wonders he has done.
⁵ He decreed statutes for Jacob
and established the law in Israel,
which he commanded our forefathers
to teach their children,
⁶ so the next generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their children.
⁷ Then they would put their trust in God
and would not forget his deeds
but would keep his commands.
Psalm 78:1-7

God is a great communicator. I am so thankful for these words David spoke and how God uses them to speak to me.

⁷⁰ He chose David his servant
and took him from the sheep pens;
⁷¹ from tending the sheep he brought him
to be the shepherd of his people Jacob,
of Israel his inheritance.
⁷² And David shepherded them with integrity of heart;
with skillful hands he led them.

Little by Little

2010-05-19T14:26:00.001-05:00

I was encouraged by this short message from The Blazing Center that one of our church members sent over our New Life site.

"God doesn’t transform us into the likeness of Christ overnight.

He changes us little by little, day after day. He doesn’t drive the sin out of our lives in a single year, but day after day, year after year, much like he promised to drive Israel’s enemies out of the promised land:

And I will send hornets before you, which shall drive out the Hivites, the Canaanites, and the Hittites from before you. I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the wild beasts multiply against you. Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased and possess the land. (EX 23.28-30)

I’m grateful the Lord works “little by little.” If God had shown me all the sins he needed to drive out when I first got saved, I would have fainted. He’s driving out different sins today than he did 5 or 20 years ago. When he gets rid of a Hivite, he goes after a Hittite. But eventually, his work will be done. Little by little, Jesus will drive our sins out until we stand before him and all he will be able to see is his own likeness.

Don’t grow impatient under the Lord’s loving hand of discipline.

He’s like a sculptor, turning a piece around, looking at it from different angles, chipping a piece off here, sanding an edge there, chiseling a line here. He’s perfecting the image of Christ in you."

Wrecked, but not without Hope.

2010-05-16T23:09:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness...where to start...

This has been a tough weekend. I feel like the last few posts have been emotionally brutal. Please don't let that get you down. I'm just laying out my open heart (more of a sledge-hammered heart) as God has revealed to me lately.

The reason I'm posting this tonight is because one of our pastors preached on Psalm 27 tonight with the title "Embrace Suffering as the Gift of God."

¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
² When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.
⁴ One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.
⁶ Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.
⁷ Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
⁸ My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
O God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.
¹³ I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Enemy 1: Judgment

If there were a queen of the Pharisees, I would be it. Guaranteed. Praise the Lord for His mighty grace and mercy!! I went to see my sister over the weekend for her birthday and she laid me out straight. The truth hurts...a lot. But I praise the Lord for showing me these areas of my heart that need refinement! And the best news? Only He can fix it! I love that all I have to do is be honest about where my heart is, and the Lord is more than happy to take me under his wing and bring me out of darkness into light. What a blessing!

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Enemy 2: Pride

Oh, how I wish I weren't so prideful. I took on a nanny position for the summer (many pictures to come in future posts) watching three beautiful children ages 2, 4, and 7. They are sweet sweet blessings to me. I often catch myself complaining about their disobedience, my lack of energy, the daily difficulties. In reality, the Lord has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams with the opportunity to shepherd these three precious souls of His.

The other day I put Gia (4) in the swing out in the backyard and the first thing she said was, "Jesus is going to come back down." My heart melted.

Our swing conversations go something like this:

Me: Who loves you?
Gia: God loves me.
Me: Who else does God love?
Gia: Mommy, and Daddy, and Nathan, and Ava, and Papa, and Vincent, and you.

...I still haven't figured out who Vincent is

Me? Are you kidding? God, you want me to shepherd these three babes along the path of righteousness? I'm scared. No, I'm terrified. But that's fear. And that fear is rooted in pride which is rooted in a lack of faith.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." (2 Cor 9:8)

This summer is going to be a challenging one - a summer of excitement, refinement, ups, downs, and everything in-between. And in the times of suffering that will come, I find my peace in His holy word which promises

I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

...and in the wonderful community of godly moms who I am so incredibly blessed to learn from.

We have such a loving God.

Thanks, God

2010-05-12T21:40:00.000-05:00

I thought it appropriate (and was reminded by J. I. Packer) to thank God for every divine gift He has given me:

every meal
every breath
every night of sleep
every morning I wake
every run
every shower
every laundry load
every microwave dinner
every glass of wine
every chocolate
every friend
every family member
every day to learn something new
every day to teach someone something
every pillow
every song
every lyric
every painting
every electrical appliance
every snooze button
every blanket
every shoe
every fire
every cup of coffee
every non-caffeinated beverage
every drop of water
every sunny day
every cool day
every storm
every gas tank top-off
every child
every dog
every cat (well, most cats)
every hair
every...

and the spiritual:

every prayer
every conviction
every blessing
every brother and sister
every rebuke
every laugh
every cry
every smile
every time of fellowship
every God-centered conversation
every not-God-centered conversation
every...

They are all divine gifts from my great and holy God, my Rock, my Redeemer, my Lover, my Father, Yahweh.

I am so thankful and so blessed for all I have been given. And if I were to lack all of this, His grace would STILL be sufficient. It's difficult to remember that He is enough when everything is going well. I often forget just how blessed I really am. My prayer is that I remember to praise Him for everything, not for the gifts he gives, but for the grace, patience, mercy, and love He has for someone like me. He is a marvelous God! I am so thankful He is mine and I am His.

Jesus Says

2010-05-03T11:04:00.001-05:00

The Supremacy of Yahweh

2010-05-03T09:19:00.000-05:00

I love the Hebrew name for God - "Yahweh"

Wikipedia (yes, I'm quoting Wikipedia) says, "The most likely meaning of the name may be 'He Brings Into Existence Whatever Exists'..."

Wow.

It's hard for me to wrap my mind around God. I was going to say God's ________. But I think God alone suffices. He is just so big! In an odd, philosophical way I like that I can't fully understand God. If I were able to put God in a nicely packaged box or a neat and tidy definition, well, then I don't think he would be able to handle my problems.

All this to say I was inspired and encouraged by God's infinite power and goodness in the NIV introduction to the Psalms.

It categorizes the major themes as follows:

1. At the core of the theology of the Psalter is the conviction that the gravitational center of life (of right human understanding, trust, hope, service, morality, adoration), but also of history and of the whole creation (heaven and earth) is God.

2. As the Great King by right of creation and enduring absolute sovereignty, he ultimately will not tolerate any worldly power that opposes or denies or ignores him.

3. As the Great King on whom all creatures depend, he opposes the "proud," those who rely on their own resources (and.or the gods they have contrived) to work out their own destiny.

4. Because God is the Great King, he is the ultimate Executor of justice among humans (to avenge oneself is an act of the "proud").

5. As the Great King over all the earth, the Lord has chosen Israel to be his servant people, his "inheritance" among the nations.

6. As the Great King, Israel's covenant Lord, God chose David to be his royal representative on earth.

7. As the Great King, Israel's covenant Lord, God (who had chosen David and his dynasty to be his royal representatives) also chose Jerusalem (the City of David) as his own royal city, the earthly seat of his throne.

...Unquestionably the supreme kingship of Yahweh (in which he displays his transcendent greatness and goodness) is the most basic metaphor and most pervasive theological concept in the Psalter - as in the Old Testament generally. It provides the fundamental perspective in which people are to view themselves, the whole creation, events in "nature" and history, and the future. All creation is Yahweh's one kingdom. To be a creature in the world is to be dependent on and responsible to him. To proudly deny that fact is the root of all wickedness - the wickedness that now pervades the world.

That's more than enough for me to chew on this afternoon.

Purpose in Affliction

2010-04-25T14:58:00.000-05:00

This past week was rough. Yesterday was rough. Lately I've been questioning why God has given me some of the things he has...like genetically-inherited depression and anxiety and possibly terminal dependence on medicine. I know, I know, "But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " (Romans 9:20). But sometimes you cannot avoid asking. Yesterday was one of those days.

I was really encouraged today by this excerpt from J.I. Packer's book Knowing God:

He was talking about God ordering the events of a human life for a double purpose: the individual's own personal sanctification, and the fulfilling of his appointed ministry and service in the life of the people of God...

"...For the same wisdom that ordered the paths which God's saints [Abraham, Jacob, & Joseph] trod in Bible times orders the Christian's life today. We should not, therefore, be too taken aback when unexpected and upsetting and discouraging things happen to us now. What do they mean? Simply that God in his wisdom means to make something of us which we have not attained yet, and h is dealing with us accordingly.

Perhaps he means to strengthen us in patience, good humor, compassion, humility or meekness, by giving us some extra practice in exercising these graces under especially difficult conditions. Perhaps he has new lessons in self-denial and self-distrust to teach us. Perhaps he wishes to break us of complacency, or unreality, or undetected forms of pride and conceit. Perhaps his purpose is simply to draw us closer to himself in conscious communion with him; for it is often the case, as all the saints know, that fellowship with the Father and the Son is most vivid and sweet, and Christian joy is greatest, when the cross is heaviest. Or perhaps God is preparing us for forms of service of which at present we have no inkling.

Paul saw part of the reason for his own afflictions in the fact that God "comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God' (2 Cor 1:4). Even the Lord Jesus 'learned...obedience by the things which he suffered,' and so was 'made perfect' for his high-priestly ministry of sympathy and help to his hard-pressed disciples (Heb 5:8-9 KJV): which means that, as on the one hand he is able to uphold us and make us more than conquerors in all our troubles and distresses, so on the other hand we must not be surprised if he calls us to follow in his steps, and to let ourselves be prepared for the service of others by painful experiences which are quite undeserved. 'He known the way he taketh,' even if for the moment we do not.

We may be frankly bewildered at things that happen to us, but God knows exactly what he is doing, and what he is after, in his handling of our affairs. Always, and in everything, he is wise: we shall see that hereafter, even where we never saw it here. (Job in heaven knows the full reason why he was afflicted, though he never knew it in this life.) Meanwhile, we ought not to hesitate to trust his wisdom, even when he leaves us in the dark.

But how are we to meet these baffling and trying situations, if we cannot for the moment see God's purpose in them? First, by taking them as from God, and asking ourselves what reactions to them, and in them, the gospel of God requires of us; second, by seeking God's face specifically about them.

If we do these two things, we shall never find ourselves wholly in the dark as to God's purpose in our troubles. We shall always be able to see at least as much purpose in them as Paul was enabled to see in the flesh (whatever it was). I came to him, he tells us, as a 'messenger of Satan,' tempting him to hard thoughts of God. He resisted this temptation and sought Christ's face three times, asking that it might be removed. The only answer he had was this, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." On reflection, he perceived a reason why he should have been thus afflicted: it was to keep him humble, 'to keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations.' This thought, and Christ's word, were enough for him. He looked no further. Here is his final attitude: 'Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me' (2 Cor 12:7-9).

This attitude of Paul is a model for us. Whatever further purpose a Christian's troubles may or may not have in equipping him for future service, they will always have at least that purpose which Paul's thorn in the flesh had: They will have been sent us to make and keep us humble, and to give us a new opportunity of showing forth the power of Christ in our mortal lives. And do we ever need to know any more about them than that? Is not this enough in itself to convince us of the wisdom of God in them? Once Paul saw that his trouble was sent him to enable him to glorify Christ, he accepted it as wisely appointed and even rejoiced in it. God give us grace, in all our own troubles, to go and do likewise."

Ahh, I love the freedom that comes when God adjusts my sight to see his greater plan.

I think I have spiritual food poisoning

2010-02-22T01:36:00.000-06:00

Radical makes me nauseous.

Can I tell you I felt sick to my stomach through this whole sermon?

I still feel like I'm about to go puke...in a holy way.

I want to throw up all the bad stuff, all the sin inside me, all the covetousness, all the greed, jealousy, evil, wicked, thoughts, all the icky gross junk.

I seriously feel like I have spiritual food poisoning lol.

Please go listen to this message:

RADICAL: what the gospel demands

Then please deal with the ickiness you feel. Don't let it simmer. I know I want to. I want to wait till the icky feeling wears off so I can go about the rest of my life.

But if we claim to really believe what Jesus is saying, we can't just wade around in this sin anymore.

Go listen.

Then do something.

Rejoice!

2010-02-16T08:39:00.000-06:00

"Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me. I cried out to him with my mouth; his praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!" Psalm 66:16-20

This is the meditation of my heart and mind this morning.

I don't feel like singing praises to God.

I don't feel like being patient today.

I have three tests this week. I didn't wake up this morning floating on cloud nine.

No, I jumped out of bed (well, more like rolled out), threw on some clothes, tossed my hair up in a ponytail, put on makeup, ate breakfast, and then sat down to study God's word. Not because I wanted to but because I knew that if I didn't then today was going to be a bad day.

As I thumbed through C.J. Mahaney's Living the Cross Centered Life last night, the following struck me:

It would be fine to follow our feelings if we could always be sure they're faithful to reality. But they aren't; their perspective on reality typically has huge blind spots. As a result, our emotions are flighty, fickle, and far too easily dominated by any number of influences - spilled coffee at breakfast, a traffic stall when you're running late, a cutting comment from a coworker. Our feelings simply cannot be trusted...Even when it comes to our spiritual life, at any given moment we direct and locate our faith in our emotional state rather than in clearly objective truth.

The consequence?

In our arrogance, we invest our feelings (or lack thereof) with final authority rather than recognize that our emotions tend to be unstable, unreliable, often governed by pride, and riddled with lies - lies that "feel" like the truth.

So what are we to do?

How do we combat this cycle of emotional highs and lows that transcend into our spiritual lives?

We turn to Truth: the eternal, infallible, reliable, confident, accurate, always stable Truth. We turn to the cross. As Christians (or followers of Christ) we do not have license to be grumpy because we woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

So put your emotions in their place. Don't let your emotions dictate your day. That's what the world does. That's what is popular, but that is NOT biblical.

"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, 'Your God reigns!'" Isaiah 52:7

Who bring, who proclaim, who bring, who proclaim, who say! Do you see the action believers take in this verse?

Mahaney continues:

When you read or hear biblical truth proclaimed, what internal conversation takes place in your soul? Is your first reaction, "What do I feel about this?" If so, do you plan to continue submitting everything ultimately to your feelings? Or will you instead trust in God's testimony, so that whenever you encounter biblical truth, your initial question will always be, "Do I believe it?" That's the only reliable way to transform your emotions...and to take them into a realm of love and adoration for the Lord that you've never before experienced.

Will you join me on this journey of focusing outside ourselves and looking upward to the objective?

This is where we begin: with prayer.

I cannot change my heart. As hard as I try, I always stumble and fall because I don't have that kind of power. So I begin with prayer, pleading with God to make me patient, kind, loving, and joyful today. Then I turn to God's Word. Meditate on scripture. Believe what you read. Accept it. You may not feel what you are reading, but have confidence. When you put God's Word first eventually joy will overflow like it never has before.

Love is a choice not an emotion.

Step out in faith and love, especially when you don't feel like loving.

Blessed be Your Name

2010-01-31T23:52:00.000-06:00

Here's the 4-1-1:

My grandmother's dementia has severely worsened and she has been placed in hospice care. The good news is she's upbeat and positive saying a few weeks ago, "I'm ready to go. I think I'm going to call hospice and tell them to get ready for me." I laughed. So now it's just a matter of time and my family is praying that she passes quickly. I thank the Lord for the incredible amount of peace I feel and for the joy I experienced with her in Pennsylvania over the break.

She's a nut.

And I love her :)

Sweet Surrender

2010-01-30T01:38:00.000-06:00

You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

ALL I AM IS YOURS!

"The Stand" by Hillsong United

All great things must come to an end

2010-01-20T13:10:00.000-06:00

I went out today for a thirty minute recovery run and realized that this season of training has officially come to close.

God has taught me so much in the past 9 months through perseverance in running, but it has become too much of a good thing. My motives have changed. No longer am I seeking God's glory, rather my own.

I just finished a marathon. I got caught up in the runner's high. And I thought if I can do one marathon, I can certainly do two. Today, my recovery run was more of a limp-animal hop-a-long. My body is not ready for another long race, but more importantly, my heart was in the wrong place.

I was searching for a way to raise money to run another race and Haiti became the byproduct.

Yes, I would be running for a good cause.

Yes, we would be sending money where it is desperately needed.

But I cannot do this with a clear conscience knowing that my initial motives were selfish.

This time, I will be on the sidelines supporting my friends the entire way. This time is their time, not mine.

Thank you to all who offered to support me in this endeavor. You can still donate to the Compassion International Haiti relief effort here.

And if you are in the Bryan/College Station area, please look into the 2nd annual Run for Compassion here.

May He receive all the glory!

It's Not Over

2010-01-20T09:21:00.000-06:00

I thought the Lord had finished teaching me what he wanted to with the end of the marathon. But I think He has decided to go a bit further.

Like I mentioned before, my roommates are training for the Austin full coming up in 24 days. Up until approximately 2 minutes ago, I thought there would be no way to run another full that soon, so I was hoping to run the half. The entry fee for the 1/2 is $90 and I am in the works of fundraising and getting sponsors to donate to my cause Running for Haiti. All money donated in excess of the entry fee will go directly to Compassion International's Haiti relief effort. I just learned that the 1/2 is sold out, so I am now planning on running the full (by the sheer grace and strength of God) which has an entry fee of $125. Registration is already 91% full so if I receive the entry fee money before it sells out, I will register. Otherwise, I will go support my roommates on the side and ALL money donated will go to Compassion.

It really will be God's strength alone by which I will be even remotely able to finish another full marathon so soon. I am in deep prayer right now. I was initially a bit selfish in my decision to run the 1/2, wanting just to run it because I was already trained up. So there are three reasons the half is full:

1. The Lord wanted to show me my deceptive heart in trying to raise money to run and foolishly trying to disguise it by raising money for a good cause.

2. God wants me to trust him even more by relying solely on him to run the full.

3. I have no idea what God is trying to teach me. Hindsight is 20/20.

I'll keep you posted on how this plays out.

Eternal Lessons from a Fading Memory

2010-01-18T15:30:00.000-06:00

I don't even know where to start! There is so much to say! So I'm just going to word vomit a little bit here:

About 10 or so months ago I would never in a million years have called myself a runner. I was not on any sports teams in grade school. I never competed in anything growing up. I did all the girly stuff: dancing, gymnastics, ice skating, painting, etc. (Gymnastics lasted until I landed on my neck on the trampoline and ice skating lasted about 2 months) I worked out, but I was not a seasoned athlete.

Then last February, some talk began floating around our church about running a 5k. My initial thoughts:

Heck no!

Are you crazy?

I'll go cheer them on.

Moral support. That's what I'm here for.

Then I stumbled upon Heather's blog. Another woman at our church, Jenn, was partnering with ASC, a Christian organization on campus, to host a 5K/10K run on April 18. The money raised went to Compassion International's Child Survival Program.

In her blog post Heather pleaded with me: "I want you to do something you never thought could be possible...I want to encourage you! I want to cheer you on. Let's run this race together. That day we can celebrate together all that God has done in our souls getting us ready to run, and we can celebrate all that He's going to do with the money we raise to help these precious children. Who's in?"

I felt my hand sheepishly raise itself in my head. I was terrified, but I was in. That marked the beginning of this journey...

Over the next eight weeks I was pushed farther than I ever thought possible. I found encouraging scriptures in my email every day. So many encouraging stories came from the 40+ other women who were also training.

Like this one.

But this particular verse really laid heavy on my heart:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

April 18th came and the weather was not on our side.

The night before Heather said, "Jenn says the race is ON no matter what weather we wake up to in the morning. Could something as silly as weather put a damper on what we're celebrating tomorrow? NO way. I don't care if it is raining. It's not raining on our parade."

Then lightening came. Jenn's miracle-working-doctor-husband wouldn't let us run with lightening overhead, so the race was postponed until 1pm. At about 1 o'clock it was still drizzling. And humid. And icky. Just plain ugly weather with a hint of sunshine. I was ready to run my 5k when the Lord said, "No, you're running the 10."

Me: What!? Are you out of your mind?

God: No. With my help you've run 50 minutes. I will carry you the last 10. Trust me. Let me do in you that which you never thought possible.

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

So I put down another $10 and switched over to the 10k. I began to regret that decision at about mile 2. It was humid and gross and icky and hilly and there was NO way I was going to finish this without the grace of God. Jenn and her miracle husband drove around every now and then making sure people weren't keeled over on the side of the road. I was glad to know that if I was dying, they would find me.

My God carried me. All the way through the finish line. It was hard. It felt impossible. It would have been impossible without Him! But by His great mercy, love, and grace I ran 6.2 miles for first time in my life!

I had to keep going. April 18th couldn't be the end of the "race." And it wasn't. God had more to teach me. After that run I decided that my next goal would be a half-marathon. Then I thought, "Heck, if I'm gonna do a half marathon I might as well do a whole."

So I kept running. I continued to steadily increase my distance and officially marked out a 37-week training schedule in my planner leading up to the Chevron Houston Marathon.

In June, I learned my grandmother had a neuroendocrine carcinoma tumor and dedicated my race to her. When I heard regular registration for the race filled up in 48 hours I made a significant donation to Young Texans Against Cancer to reserve my place to run. Enough to keep me training when the going got tough. It was not my wisest decision, but "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I kept running. I kept training. On one of my long runs I found an elderly man watering the flowers outside his house and asked to use his facilities. I don't know his name, but God bless him and his kind wife.

Through rain, shine, 5 o'clock Texas heat, and temperatures below freezing the Lord continued carrying me through.

I eventually joined a training group with my roommates who are training for the Austin full coming up in three weeks. Please pray that their injuries heal before their race. My friend and trainer, Will, encouraged me and kicked my butt the entire way as well. Chelsi brought me a care package of bananas and chocolate covered espresso beans before I left for Houston. My dear friend, Amanda, took on the role of mom the night before the race, hurrying me to bed at a decent hour. She woke with me at 4:45am and cheered me on through the finish line at noon. I even made a friend at mile 15. Congratulations, Greg, on a race well run!

So many prayers, so many stories, and so many words of encouragement came from each of you. Thank you for walking with me through this unforgettable journey to know and trust my Lord and Savior all the more.

The verses in Isaiah 40 are the song of my heart. They are the God-breathed words that kept me going for 37 weeks. They are the words written on a piece of paper I carried with me through the finish line. They are the words, sweeter than honey, that will carry me through my next endeavor.

______________________________________________

Here are some cool websites to check out:

Wise words from Heather Hendrick: http://allthingshendrick.blogspot.com/

My race stats (my bib number is 7643): http://live.houstonmarathon.com/

Video from the finish line (again, 7643): http://houstonmarathon.finishcam.com/

Post Passion Recap

2010-01-15T17:54:00.001-06:00

As many of you know, I was given the amazing opportunity over the break to be part of the global movement that is Passion.

I first heard about it last summer during a college small group bible study in Alabama. I had known these people for three weeks, but after hearing the lineup of people who were speaking and playing I was totally on board.

Over the next few months I really had to examine my heart and my motives for going: John Piper, Beth Moore, Chris Tomlin, Hillsong United, etc. I could have told you every prominent person that would be at Passion, but had you asked me what the conference was about...I was in big trouble.

The Lord was so gracious to change my heart at Passion. And by change, I mean a deep, eternal theologically God-centered change in the way I think about...well...everything! The most eye-opening truth I took away from Passion hit me in the opening lines of John Piper's sermon. It's the same message he has been preaching for over a decade. It was the same message I'd heard over and over again. But this time, THIS time, it made sense. I am so grateful the Lord washed away my blindness to the truth that "God is most glorified when I am most satisfied in Him."

Let me see if I can break it down:

God knows how we operate. He knows our hearts, our minds, our passions, our struggles, every detail that makes you who you are. He created you. He created me. God also know what brings us the most joy. I loved Piper's truth that we love to feel insignificant. The reason we travel to stand in awe at the bottom of the Alps or the top of the Grand Canyon is because we get some intrinsic, inexpressible joy from feeling small. The is the same reason we love the athletes that we will never be. We love to be in awe of something.

God knows this.

That is why he asks for glory.

Not because he is selfish. Not because he is seeking from us something he lacks. He asks you and me to give him glory because he knows that we find our greatest joy in worshiping something that is massive, inexplicable, and eternal. Thus, if God did not ask us to glorify Him, he would be holding out on us. If he didn't ask us to praise him above all else, we would not experience joy like the joy that comes from worshiping our God! The result is two-fold. We receive the joy and He receives the glory.

Finally, the barrier between His glory and my joy shattered. I always had a diving line between the two. But, oh, how wrong I was! His glory and my joy are inseparable!

I am so grateful to finally be able to grasp this truth. I don't have a strong hold on it yet. I'm still grasping, stretching out my arms as far as they will go to reach this truth that so easily slips away. That night, all I could do was repeat that profound logic to myself over and over for fear of losing my newly given insight. I am still fearful of losing it. Mainly because I am not diligent about being in the Word constantly. But I stand firm in the truth of Philippians 1:6

"...He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Faith Unshaken

2009-12-11T11:43:00.000-06:00

My precious grandmother has been battling cancer for the past eight months. The cancer was so invasive that the doctors deemed it inoperable, but thankfully she responded well to radiation, which shrunk the mass by 60-70%. She just recently finished chemotherapy and radiation treatments and has returned to her home in Pennsylvania.

Yesterday afternoon I received a phone call from my sister with bad news. The cancer cells spread to her brain and the doctor found a golf-ball sized tumor in one of her occipital lobes. My heart sank. I was paralyzed by fear, by anxiety, by questions for which no one had answers. I began to speculate about 1000 different scenarios. Then the Lord sweetly reminded me that He is bigger.

His plans are bigger than my plans.

Unlike you and I, He is not bound by time.

His love is immeasurable.

Therefore, our faith is to be unshakable.

But we have this treasure [of the knowledge of the glory of God] in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:7-18

My body is a jar of clay. Every day, pieces of it are chipped away. It is fragile. It can be easily broken. Think of how easily flesh can be torn.

But inside my body is the immovable, the unchangeable, the immeasurable, the certain, the unbreakable, the all-knowing, all-loving, all-faithful Christ the Son of God.

Therefore, I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

In all of His faithfulness, God sent his holy and perfect Son to live a perfect life here on earth, to be nailed to a piece of wood until he died, upon which He received all of the wrath that I deserve. I, the ultimate sinner, am made perfect and free by Christ's death on the cross. The price of my sins has been paid.

This is why I have hope. This is why I trust in the Lord's perfect plan. This is why I am able to wake up in the morning with the knowledge that God will provide everything I need to sustain me for the day.

I know of no greater news.

Free Holiday Music

2009-12-10T13:45:00.000-06:00

Who doesn't love Christmas music??? My only reservation is I have to wait until December 1st to begin listening to it. It's a personal thing. But for your enjoyment:

Go to the iTunes store and under "New and Noteworthy" you'll see the iTunes Holiday Sampler. There you can download 20 Christmas songs for FREE!

Happy holidays!

One click donates a cup of food to someone in need

2009-12-07T15:46:00.001-06:00

I just discovered The Hunger Site today (thanks to Money Saving Mom!). You can click here once per day and, just by doing so, their sponsors will donate a cup of food to someone in need.

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. [Proverbs 31:20]

So what are you waiting for? Go click and make a difference!

So Artsy! So Fresh! So Cool!

2009-12-01T21:47:00.001-06:00

Goodness, I just cannot shake this shoe fetish I have!

Thankfully the idea of "window shopping" has sunk in and I enjoy looking for cute shoes other people are wearing rather than buying them myself.

First on the super-cute-and-totally-awesome shoe list are Sseko's. My friend, Cameron, is an ambassador for this non-profit that her best friend started in Uganda. I'm stealing the following from Heather's blog because she explains it all so well (thanks, Heather) :

It's a sandal company started by a young girl...here she is:

She's a cutie.

This cutie has a name.

Liz

Liz was in Africa. She found out smart girls were graduating from a private school called Cornerstone Academy in Uganda. However...after graduation, these girls weren't going to college. Liz wanted to know why. She found out the girls don't have the money for school, and have no way to earn it. There's no work. It's non-existent. What work does exist goes to men. There was no way for these smart girls to earn enough money to afford to continue their education.

Liz was not satisfied with this sad situation and wanted to do something about it.

Oh...you've just got to love a woman who is frustrated. Watch out world. Just watch out.

Liz created Sseko Designs.

Girls...who recently graduated from a secondary school in Uganda make sandals so they can pay for their first year of college.

From the website...

Sseko \say-ko\ Designs was created to help these bright young women continue their education. The Ugandan school system is designed with a nine month gap between secondary school and university. These nine months are intended to allow time for students to earn money for tuition before continuing on to university. However, in an impoverished and male dominated society, many of these young women struggle to find fair work during this time.

Sseko Designs hires recent secondary school graduates for this nine month period to live and work together, while earning money that will go directly towards their university education. These women will not make sandals forever. They will go on to be doctors, lawyers, politicians, writers and teachers that will bring change and unification to a country divided and ravished by a 22 year-long war.

Sseko Designs is a not-just-for-profit enterprise that recognizes the power of business and responsible consumerism to support sustainable economic development, which in turn affects a country's educational, justice, and health care systems. The goal of Sseko Designs is two-fold: provide university tuition for these promising young women through a sustainable monthly income, while also contributing to the overall economic development of Uganda.

Although consumerism makes many empty promises, responsible and proactive consumerism has the ability to change lives. Like the lives of Mercy, Mary and Rebbecca.

Every sandal has a story. This story has only just begun, but with your help, it will be a story of hope, success and change.

For real!?!? How cute are these!?! And trendy! And versatile! So cool...go check out her other awesome designs and learn more about Sseko Designs here.

____________________________________________

Next up is my artsy friend Candice who likes shoes and painting, so she combined the two:

She paints mostly TOMS:

So talented! If you would like a personally-hand-painted-with-love pair, shoot her an email at kustom_kickz@yahoo.com.

The sweet thing about TOMS is that for every pair you purchase, TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a child in need. This is from the TOMS site...

In 2006 an American traveler, Blake Mycoskie, befriended children in Argentina and found they had no shoes to protect their feet. Wanting to help, he created TOMS Shoes, a company that would match every pair of shoes purchased with a pair of new shoes given to a child in need. One for One. Blake returned to Argentina with a group of family, friends and staff later that year with 10,000 pairs of shoes made possible by caring TOMS customers.

Since our beginning, TOMS has given over 150,000* pairs of shoes to children in need through the One for One model. Because of your support, TOMS plans to give over 300,000 pairs of shoes to children in need around the world in 2009.

TOMS are a big deal here in College Station. They are totally "in" and are totally for a great cause!

These are my favorite:

Go here to learn more and to see all of their different styles for men, women, and kids!

'Tis the season to give! And why not give to two people for the price of one? Happy shopping!

Here Is Where I Am

2009-11-28T10:35:00.000-06:00

I love those moments when God "coincidentally" presents words, or a song, or a message, or [fill in the blank]...something that perfectly aligns with the current state of my heart. Really, there is nothing coincidental about it. Thus, His sovereignty. He ceases to amaze.

Last night, He hit the nail on the head via the day's devotional in My Utmost For His Highest.

So here is where my heart is:

The Riches of the Destitute

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. (Romans 3:23-24)

The Gospel of the grace of God awakens an intense longing in human souls and an equally intense resentment, because the truth that it reveals is not palatable or easy to swallow. There is a certain pride in people that causes them to give and give, but to come and accept a gift is another thing. I will give my life to martyrdom; I will dedicate my life to service - I will do anything. But do not humiliate me to the level of the most hell-deserving sinner and tell me that all I have to do is accept the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ.

We have to realize that we cannot earn or win anything from God through our own efforts. We must either receive it as a gift or do without it. The greatest spiritual blessing we receive is when we come to the knowledge that we are destitute as long as we think we are sufficient in and of ourselves. We must enter into His kingdom through the door of destitution. As long as we are "rich," particularly in the area of pride or independence, God can do nothing for us. It is only when we get hungry spiritually that we receive the Holy Spirit. The gift of the essential nature of God is placed and made effective in us by the Holy Spirit. He imparts to us the quickening life of Jesus, making us truly alive. He takes that which was "beyond" us and places it "within" us. And immediately, once "the beyond" has come "within," it rises up to "the above," and we are lifted into the kingdom where Jesus lives and reigns (see John 3:5).

This is where I am: stuck between the knowledge and the receipt of grace.

TONS of people have noticed this struggle within me. I am extremely thankful for their guidance, concern, wisdom, and help (particularly my Mom).

In the end, it's a pride issue. I am confident that - in time - it will work itself out. It seems funny to ask for your grace as I wrestle (since grace is what I seem incapable of accepting), but nonetheless, I am asking.

He is good.

He is sovereign.

He shapes.

He molds.

He perfects.

In the end, He reigns.

For this I am thankful!

** On a special note, Casting Crowns' Prodigal "coincidentally" played on my iTunes as I typed this :)

Thankful for Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T13:13:00.001-06:00

I am SO thankful to have now met my extended family!

My grandfather's brother (who I call Uncle Bob) and wife (Aunt Marion) warmly welcomed me into their home this past Tuesday for a day and a half of fun, family, food, and of giving thanks. I also met two of my second cousins, David and Robert, whom I had never heard much about. They were around for about 24 hours and then booked it on a flight to Tulsa to spend the holiday with more family I don't know. I liked seeing the Landis-side of the family. They are very much Landis's with the Landis personality (quite different from the Frankel side). I now see where my Mom gets her spark :)

I am so thankful for family. And for food. Aunt Marion is a WONDERFUL cook! I woke up Wednesday morning to my choice of eggs, hash browns, bacon, donuts, toast, waffles, juice, and a variety of other goodies. Uncle Bob graciously made me an omelet. Needless to say, they kept me well-fed. And, oh my goodness, they wouldn't even let me refill my own water glass most of the time! I am so thankful for their hospitality and love to a "stranger." Although, they claim to know much more about me than I think they do. That could be good or bad...

Aunt Marion and Uncle Bob prepared a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner and sent me home with heaping amounts of leftovers. I'm sad to say they are almost gone. But my stomach is happy! It's hard to keep food around these days. With all of this running, all I ever do is eat. Hey, it doesn't bother me. But it's funny to watch the mass amount of food my roommates and I consume. You'd think we live with a house full of boys.

And that game last night!?!? Gig em, Ags! Sarah Elizabeth's brother, Ben, is a junior in the Corp of Cadets and got us 2nd row tickets to the game. What a great game! I was reminded of how lucky I am to be at such a great University with such awesome people. The Spirit, the maroon, the crazy constant loudness, the jumping, the yelling, the "What we're they thinking???'s," the cold weather, the cameras, the closeness of it all. I loved every bit of it! Thanks, SEB and Ben! xoxo

It has been a unique Thanksgiving, 900 miles away from my parents and sister, but one that I will never forget!

Lord, you are too good to me!

I can't wait to see what you have in store for the remembrance of your Son this Christmas!

Aggie Ring Day!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-20T15:52:00.000-06:00

I'm a little late on this one, but "Better Late Than Never," as Heather says...

I am so thankful for my beautiful friend Jessie and her artsy eye when it comes to photography. I finally got my Fightin' Texas Aggie ring (WHOOP) last Friday, November 13th, and she spent the whole afternoon taking pictures of me and Rachel getting our rings. Then she came to our ring dunk that night and took more pictures!

This was a HUGE blessing to my parents who couldn't be here for the big occasion.

Here is just a sampling of some of the pictures she took:

Rachel and I standing in line waiting to get our rings

We got in line earlier in the day (at 5:45 am) so we would get an early pick up time (And we did!)

Left to right: Me, Jessie, Rachel, and Mrs. Hultz (Rachel's mom)

Rachel got her ring! No ring for me yet...until...

Waiting...

Almost...

Wa-hoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So shiny!!!

Two happy Aggies!

On the 12th Man bus!

WHOOP!

"OH my goodness!!!!"

This is a reflection in one of the building's glass windows. So artsy, that one!

Thanks, Jessie, for such a fun day and for capturing the memories moment-by-moment in such beautiful pictures! You are truly a blessing to me and my family!

The Right Words at the Right Time

2009-11-20T15:33:00.000-06:00

My friend sent me this poem via facebook a few days ago. I don't know what compelled her to think of me, but it was just what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it most:

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Are you willing to take up your cross?

2009-10-10T19:56:00.000-05:00

Today was an emotional day - emotionally draining and, at the same time, empowering.

I had the privilege of volunteering with some friends at the Open Doors Persecuted Church Film Festival in the Woodlands. We watched three documentaries about persecuted Christians around the world, but one in particular struck a chord in my heart. Watch this movie trailer:

A Cry From Iran Trailer

It is undeniable that Haik Hovsepian was completely and totally filled with the Holy Spirit. I had to do a self-check of my heart. While others around me were shedding tears, I felt empowered. Some were sobbing, and I was invigorated. This man so recognized his depravity and Christ's sovereignty that I found myself thanking the Lord for Haik's willingness and readiness to die for the Gospel. I firmly believe that westernized Christians would be more faithful if we were not so comfortable. One of the interviewees in the documentary made a blunt but all-too-true statement: At one end of the spectrum Christians are paralyzed in fear and at the other in ignorance. It is difficult to imagine the existence of such barbaric atrocities in the 21st century when I am able to freely enter a church building at any time of any day. At the same time I post "going to church" on Facebook for the whole world to see, thousands are fleeing their home countries for their lives because they proclaim Christ as their Savior. I can't wrap my head around this vastly popularized western religion in comparison to true biblical Christianity.

Am I thankful for my freedom? Of course.

Do my freedoms make it harder for me to identify with and plead for the orphan and the widow? Absolutely.

So how can we, as free Christians, help those who are being persecuted?

1. For starters, educate yourself. Open Doors is a wonderful place to learn more about what is happening outside of our bubble.

2. Identify commands in Scripture and your response to help the persecuted church. Are they parallel? We are instructed to "...learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, [and] plead the case of the widow." (Isaiah 1:17)

3. Get involved. Whether it be through prayer, action, or giving of our time and talents, we all have the duty to help our brothers and sisters in the persecuted church.

Marriage. An Idol?

2009-09-16T15:23:00.000-05:00

My friend, Kristin, sent me this awesome article asking the question if marriage can become an idol:

"Most single women want to get married. A good marriage is something they deeply desire. But for many, their desire is unarticulated, a silent longing. I kept quiet most of the time when I was single and hoping for marriage, mostly out of embarrassment for being romantically unsuccessful. It was easier, and less risky, to just keep it to myself. By my silence, I could avoid ridicule and the possibility of having to admit my failure if marriage never happened.

But today there's an added reason women hide their desire for marriage. They've been told and retold that nurturing such a desire will not only scare men off, but worst of all, it may lead them to idolatry. I see and hear this warning a lot among Christians. It seems anytime someone writes or preaches about marriage to singles, they start with the caveat that wanting marriage is good "as long as you don't make an idol out of it."

Can the desire for marriage really become an idol? It's technically possible. But that notion has been blown out of proportion. And repeatedly suggesting the possibility of idolatry has done more harm than good. It's caused a lot of women to be tepid in their approach to marriage and made them afraid that any amount of thinking or acting on their desire might be a sin. Both have the unfortunate consequence of making marriage even less likely to happen..."

Read on here!

Back to School

2009-08-31T10:39:00.000-05:00

6am: woke up and ran 6 miles with my wonderful roommate
8am: showered, ate breakfast, made a sacked lunch
9am: my roomie dropped me off at class :)
9:10am: first class of the day. just went over the syllabus. whoop!
10am: contemplated taking a nap, but headed over to the computer lab instead
now: typing this blog post and then going to my next class...

I love school. Every day is a new day. Every day something spontaneous happens. Every day there are 538938628 things to do and 532673207623 more to choose from. The options are endless.

But, unfortunately, time doesn't change. There are still 24 hours in a day. And that means I can't do all 530720572 things I want to do. So God and I had a heart-to-heart the other morning:

Me: Lord, what do you want me to get involved in this semester? What activities should I say yes to? What should I turn down? What about Impact? What about an LSAT class? What about a D.C. internship? What about, what about, what about....?

God: What sorrow awaits my rebellious children. You make plans that are contrary to mine. You make alliances not directed by my Spirit, thus piling up your sins. Isaiah 30:1

Me: Lord, I come to you and ask for your direction. Lord, I will quit asking for more stuff to fill my time and instead learn to love you earnestly in your Word. Please help me be at peace without a plan. Please help me have faith in your plans for me.

God: My light will shine for you just a little longer. Walk in the light while you can, so the darkness will not overtake you. Those who walk in the darkness cannot see where they are going. Put your trust in the light while there is still time; then you will become children of the light. John 12:35-36

The Lord is so faithful. His plans are so much greater than mine. I love how when I'm struggling with something I almost always open my Bible to the exact verse I need to hear at the moment. It's a God thing. I don't know the Bible well. I can't quote scripture from memory. But every time I open the Word, He speaks to me. Just the right words as just the right time. I love it!

Off to class!

Blogging for BoxTops

2009-07-31T19:04:00.000-05:00

I received the following email from one of my sorority sisters today and it looks like a really cool opportunity for a good cause:

Hey ladies! I have this awesome thing to share with y'all that I found (strangely enough) on my cereal box! Here's the deal:

Those box tops that we collect for character points go to the Texas School for the Blind in Austin, TX to help raise extra funds for their school. Well BoxTops4Education is holding a sweepstakes where the grand prize winner gets $50,000 worth of box tops and the 2 first prize winners get $20,000 in box tops..not too shabby! Considering we have 180 girls in the sorority, we have pretty good odds!

I already signed up for it and went through the registration and here's how to do it:

-You go to the TheBigClip.com and put in your email address
-It will ask for a zip code of the school you want to support, Texas' School for the Blind's is 78756.
-You then have to scroll through the schools and ours is hard to miss, "Texas School for the Blind and Visually Impaired"
-And the rest is just basic info about yourself to make a profile for the site

The best part is that somebody can register everyday up until the end of the contest which is October 31st. And the sweepstakes just started June 30th. Everytime you enter again after you've filled out the registration stuff, it just asks for your email and you're done!

I know it may seem a little lame but this is our philanthropy and we should be dedicated to trying to help in any way possible. Not to mention, we all get on the internet a million times a day, so just take a few seconds to do this. The kids and staff at Texas School for the Blind will be so grateful that you did!

Okay so that's my super awesome thing that I found and wanted to share with y'all! Hope you're all having a great summer!!

ITB,
Megan Davis

If you can spare a few seconds, will you please sign up? The ladies of Delta Gamma at Texas A&M University would be SO appreciative (myself included)!

Betty Crockerin' It Up

2009-07-18T19:20:00.000-05:00

Today, for lack of a stocked up craft box, I opted to bake.

First was the Jennie-O lean turkey breasts marinated in tequila lime juice (yum!). Then Trader Joe's wild rice with a dash of lemon juice for flavor. And for the big finish: oatmeal caramel bars!!! (Recipe to follow)

1 pouch Betty Crocker oatmeal chocolate chip cookie mix
1/2 cup butter
1 egg
35 caramels, unwrapped (I recommend more if you love caramel)
1/4 cup milk

1. Heat oven to 375 degrees F. Grease bottom and sides of 8- or 9-inch square pan.
2. In medium bowl, stir softened butter and egg. Stir in cookie mix (dough will be stiff). Reserve 1/2 (I recommend 3/4) cup dough for topping. Press remaining dough into pan.
3. Bake 15 to 20 minutes or until crust is a light golden brown.
4. Meanwhile, in medium bowl, microwave caramels and milk uncovered on High 2 to 3 minutes or until caramels are completely melted, stirring every minute.
5. Spread caramel mixture evenly over crust.
6. Drop reserved cookie dough by teaspoonfuls over caramel mixture. (I advise saving more cookie dough than the recipe calls for because the caramel I wasn't able to cover up shriveled up and burned).
7. Bake an additional 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown.

Cool 10 minutes. Run knife around edges of pan. Cool completely before cutting. Makes 16 bars.

Betty's Tip: For quick cleanup and to cut bars evenly (I have no idea how this helps with cutting perfectly symmetrical oatmeal caramel bars), line pan with foil.

To my surprise, all of the above turned out really well!! The baking was a little difficult for my beginning cooking skills, but give it a month or two and Bobby Flay will be running for the hills!

Just maybe.

Same Kind of Different As Me

2009-07-14T00:02:00.000-05:00

Finally, after what felt like months of nothing...a revelation.

I love it when God teaches me things.

I love it when He shows me how foolish I am.

I love to watch Him grow me.

By now you know I am a huge fan of Matt Chandler. If I shared Jesus with as much enthusiasm as I share Matt Chandler, there would be a lot more saved people walking around.

In my teeny, tiny human mind I had this pretty picture of people listening to Matt's sermons and their lives changing drastically. I'm talking complete overhaul. He is a gifted man doing the work God has called him to do. But he's not God by any means.

Well, with this pretty picture in mind, I made a deal with my friend, Ernie, that I would go with him to mass if he would come with me to the Village one Sunday evening. We went. We sang. We listened. We laughed. We left. In those two hours, my heart was changed a little bit, molded a little more into the image of Christ. And I was estatic! I walked out of that building saying, "Wasn't that awesome!?!?!" Much to my dismay Ernie replied that it wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. My jaw dropped. Maybe literally. I was flabergasted. Someone not amazed by the awesomeness that is Matt Chandler sermons??? Who are you?

The following Sunday we went to mass. Let me start off by saying I was stressed out before we even got there! I felt I had to study thousands of years of Roman Catholic church history before I could even walk into the place. So much detail. So much tradition. So much formalness. I didn't want to mess up. I didn't want to embarass my friend. Stressed? Just a little bit.

We walk in and at the back of the sanctuary there is holy water cascading into a fountain. Was I supposed to purify myself? Did I need to touch the water? What was its significance? I didn't know! So I pretended it wasn't there and kept on walking. There were beautiful stained glass windows and nice pews and right up front: a life sized crucified Jesus. Really? I had no idea what to do with that. But mass begins and we go through the motions. Or at least, I did. Ernie was in tears by the time we got to the parable of the paralyzed man. I'm not even going to begin to describe the emotion he felt during the Eucharist. But me? I just went through the motions. I didn't feel anything. I started really questioning my salvation. "Am I supposed to be feeling something right now, Jesus? Am I deaf to something you are trying to tell me? Hello? Are you there?" That was kind of how sixty minutes passed.

Why couldn't I worship Christ in the Catholic church the same way I could at the Village? Why couldn't Ernie identify with Village sermons like I could?

Paul says it like this:

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." [1 Cor 12:4-6]

"The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink." [1 Cor 12:12-13]

Did I need to question my salvation? No.

The Lord made us all as unique individuals gifted with distinct talents to serve a very specific purpose. Do Ernie and I worship the same way? No. Do we worship the same God? Absolutely. And therein lies the beauty! God lets us worship him in thousands of different ways! While some are kneeling in pews, I am standing tall with my arms in the air, fingers spread, chest lifted to God. And all of us are loving Him. Not in the same way. But with the same passion.

The Holy Spirit stirs in all of us differently. The same Spirit that compels me to belt songs of praise in spite of my serious lack of vocal talent compels others to bow down to our God in silence. Who am I to question their salvation? Who am I to distribute Jesus points on the basis of the amount of energy exhausted in worship? Why do I consider myself substantially more spiritual than others I see staring blankly at a screen? Pride? Arrogance? Ignorance? Call it what you will. But praise the Lord that He is working on that area of my heart. Praise the Lord that you are the same kind of different as me...and I you.

The Call of Calls

2009-07-12T22:11:00.000-05:00

I realized tonight that in the midst of me writing about my experiences in getting to know God better, I haven't told you a whole lot about where I came from. We, as humans, like to put things in perspective and I have not given you that opportunity to praise God for where I am now.

So here's a bit of my story:

I always had great aspirations growing up. I remember standing up in front of my 5th grade class and saying I wanted to be a doctor, artist, dancer, teacher, lawyer, astronaut [I get sick on airplanes], singer, and mom all at the same time. Ambitious, I know. As I grew older and began narrowing my interests the path of lawyer prevailed. I've always been one to seek justice on behalf of people. And I am a terrible liar. Ask my mom or any of my friends. Just awful. But that also saved my behind on many occasions. Another story for another day...

So the lawyer-route seemed a good way to go. It is a well respected profession. More importantly, it can make a lot of money. Throughout high school that was where my heart lay. In money. Lots and LOTS of money. I didn't care how many hours I would have to work, how many sacrifices I would have to make, or how many people I would have to hurt to climb the ladder. I was driven by the end goal. The means of getting there were not important to me. My husband would be a coexistent roommate at best. I did not want to have any children. After all, they would severely dent my money supply. And I wanted to travel with my roommate of a husband. What a life, huh? Call me crazy, but this made perfect sense in my mind. It sounded rational. It felt achievable. These were things I ASPIRED to do!?!?

All before Christ [no pun intended].

Here's where I am now:

Technically it's not about what I want. Actually, it has nothing to do with what I want. But the Lord has graciously placed the following desires in my heart for the purpose of spreading the gospel, the good news. If I could draw for you my picturesque life this is what it would be:

6 children (2 from me, 4 adopted...particularly brown babies)
a godly husband
a comfortable home
nightly devotionals
a workplace filled with God-loving people
... and possibly a mini van. I don't know if I'm really sold on the idea of a mini van yet. They're practical. But that's about it.

Day and night? Um, yes.

Did it happen overnight? Definitely not.

But here's the funny thing: I still want to be a lawyer. Clearly for different reasons. But it's the same title nonetheless. The difference lies in who I want to represent. I don't want to be in the cover story of the papers. Heck, I couldn't even write my own achievements in biographical form to be posted on the debate workshop webpage [thanks, Ernie]. Instead, I want to represent those who can't afford to represent themselves. Those who do not have the financial, emotional, sometimes physical means to save themselves. From the law? No. From oppressors.

Matt Chandler made a wonderful analogy through Paul. Paul was ALWAYS passionate. He was passionate about killing Christians [back when he was Saul]. Now that's ironic considering he wrote 70% of the New Testament. God didn't suddenly give him a heart of passion upon conversion. He always had it! But upon conversion, he became passionate about sharing the gospel.

The Lord has not zapped me with a heart to be an agent for others. He just changed the kind of clientele I desire to serve.

I tell you all of this to paint a picture of the weight the Lord has placed on my heart for overseas missions. Particularly because it just doesn't fit. It doesn't fit in my "model" life. There is no comfortable home in Sudan. Afghanistan is not a safe place to raise children. So why do I have these conflicting interests?

The beauty of it all is that I do not have to shoulder the burden of answering that question. Natalie asked me yesterday how I can practically merge these two drastically different lifestyles. How would I find my idea of what I want for a husband? How would I raise kids?

My response: I don't have one. And praise the Lord I don't HAVE to have one!

I have talked a lot about IJM and my passion for this wonderful organization. Knee deep in the Good News About Injustice I find hope in my desire to make a difference. To conquer injustice in this world one person at a time.

Gary Haugen outlines three promises of God on which we can place all our hope for bringing about justice:

1) Ours is a God of justice, a God who hates injustice and wants it to stop.
2) God desires to use his people as his instruments for seeking justice and rescuing the oppressed.
3) God does not give his people a ministry that he won't empower.

"All Scripture is God-breathed...so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." [2 Timothy 3:16-17]

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." [Acts 1:8]

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." [Deuteronomy 31:6]

"No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you." [Joshua 1:5]

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." [Ephesians 2:10]

There's nothing to worry about! All I am called to do is walk in faith and obedience to Jesus! Hallelujah!

Time For a Change

2009-07-10T21:28:00.000-05:00

I think I want short hair again.

It's summertime, so naturally I'll have it up almost everyday anyway. But I feel the need for change. And short hair sounds like the way to go.

This was me a year and a half ago:

Or, 7 months ago:

What's the verdict?

Rainy Days

2009-07-06T17:11:00.000-05:00

It's just one of those days. The days you get out of bed and want to get right back in and spend all day snug under the covers. Today is that day.

Kind of.

In Choices, Mary Farrar discusses the daily labors that pre-Industrial Revolution women did to provide for their family:

"Women fought off wolves and Indians by themselves, saved their children from floods and grass fires, doctored their husbands and children after horrible accidents and injuries, and even fought the British on their own doorstep with knives and axes. I read one woman's account of going into labor unexpectedly while her husband was out on a two-day trip. In the midst of caring for her toddler (that's more than enough work for me right there!), she hauled water, boiled it, gave birth, cut the cord, washed the baby, and had dinner ready when her husband returned."

Really!?!?

I don't have kids so I can't account for what childbirth is like, but it doesn't sound as if there is much room for laziness in there. Rainy days or not, these women worked HARD. All the time! That's how we're called to work throughout the Bible. You will find 19 verses about the consequences of laziness in Proverbs 19-28. Here are just a few:

"Lazy people sleep soundly, but idleness leaves them hungry." [Prov 19:15]

"If you love sleep, you will end in poverty. Keep your eyes open, and there will be plenty to eat!" [Prov 20:13]

"I walked by the field of a lazy person, the vineyard of one with no common sense. I saw that it was overgrown with nettles. It was covered with weeds, and its walls were broken down. Then, as I looked and thought about it, I learned this lesson: A little extra sleep, a little more slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest- then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit; scarcity will attack you like an armed robber." [Prov 24:30-34]

That resonated with me a little bit. I was a little concerned when i read those verses. I don't want to be pounced on in any way, shape, form, or fashion. I don't like being taken by surprise. I can't be lazy. Not if it's going to bite me in the rear later. Sure that extra hour of sleep sounds nice, but how much sweeter is another hour I'll get to spend with my Lord?

So 7 hours of sleep and 2 naps later, I kicked in into gear and went running. I feel SOOO much better! It feels so good to no longer be dependent on my circumstances. And I got to listen to yet another awesome Matt Chandler podcast and some great worship music!

It's still raining, but there's no lazy grogginess in this girl!

Wrestling with Deep Texts

2009-07-01T07:20:00.000-05:00

Well, to start things off...I totally ate it coming down the stairs this morning. It's not out of the ordinary in my book. If I really wanted to I could write a book titled "Elizabeth v Gravity" but I don't forsee it being published...or written. Regardless, my track record against gravity is somewhere around 0-20.

I had an apple, bread, my laptop, and a jar of raspberry preserves in my arms. And they are all still alive! But I will have the bruises to prove this morning's adventure.

They are not yet visible. Soon enough. Soon enough I'll have the evidence. Sorry, I'm at debate camp. Their language is slowly permeating my mind.

Enough about that....

God had much more in store here at camp than I had anticipated.

I'd been praying for the Lord to reveal a strong group of Christians. Because, well, they're not very prevalent in the debate arena. And justly so. When you have to be able to argue both sides of super controversial topics such as abortion, the death penalty, gay marriage, and the like, to be competitive, most people remove their personal convictions from the equation and argue on the basis of logic. At least, that is what I did.

But the Lord answered my prayer with a whole host of Christians and one in particular who I am very excited I get to mentor.

After eating dinner and exchanging our gratefulness for having met each other, the Lord gave me the idea to start a nightly girls devotional/bible study. I did not know who was going to come or what we were going to discuss. In fact, the idea was not really mine. But that is the beauty of God's work. I spit out these words (His words) before analyzing the logistics of how it all would work.

The first night I prayed for wisdom and to speak truth. I read through my devotional for that day, and gave the time that we were going to have together to God. I was thinking something along the lines of introductions, followed by a short surface-level discussion, and closing prayer.

Nope.

That was not God's plan.

Sarah comes from a strong Christian home. She grew up knowing everything the Lord has been teaching me over the past six months. Praise the Lord she won't have to take Her Hands to live as a biblical woman!!

So our discussion got very deep. Very fast. She asked me the tough questions. The deep stuff that we ask ourselves but do not pursue biblical answers to. I had to be up front. I had no idea what the answers to these questions were.

And therein lies God's beauty.

I had to wrestle with these texts. I had to dig deep to find true answers from Scripture. I thought I would be imparting some newly learned wisdom to this high school sophomore, and she challenged me to search and probe God's word deeper than I ever have before. The two hours I spent last night at a coffee shop wrestling with these questions were purely God-breathed. I had to rely completely on Him for proper discernment and scriptural understanding. It was two hours I spent purely with the Lord. Undistracted. Focused. Intimate time with God.

It is these moments, where I get to experience just a hint of God's beauty and glory, that draw me ever so much closer to Him.

My friend, Natalie, also keeps me on my toes. She won't accept anything at base level. She asks the deep questions. She, too, challenges me to search for deep answers.

I'm so blessed to have such friends. Friends that won't let me settle for what a pastor says. Friends that encourage me to take seemingly wise words and match them up against Scripture.

I'm blessed that the Lord has given me these friends. And that He wants me to get to know Him better. It only stirs my affection for Him that much more!

Wrestle. And you will fall more deeply in love with your Creator. That I can promise.

He Is Faithful

2009-06-26T18:17:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness, God is so faithful!

I've been praying about a lot of stuff lately. Particularly, what I am going to do when I graduate. I don't have to tell you that time flies in college. But it does.

So with a year and a half left, naturally I've been asking God to show me where He wants me to go.

It is kind of ironic to look back at my tastes and preferences a few months ago. I was ready to live out the American dream. I wanted money. LOTS of money. I didn't want children. I wanted my future husband to be more of a roommate...someone to co-exist with. I was your poster child for the feminist movement. A successful woman...whatever your definition of "successful" is.

But the Lord quickly changed my heart. No, He gave me a new heart. A heart for children. A heart for teaching. A heart for people. People? Really? This was certainly a new development.

In the past six months I went from wanting to be a money-making lawyer to now working for International Justice Mission - a Christian-based nonprofit headquartered in Washington, D.C. that deals with human rights abuses such as rescuing people from the sex slave trade, human trafficing, and a myriad of other individual hr cases.

Here's the story...

I wrote an email earlier today to Gary Haugen, IJM President and CEO, indicating my interest in the organization's efforts.

An hour or so later, a father walks into the office to take his daughter out to dinner for her birthday. There was some time before we could go get her, so her father and I got to talking. He is a strong Christian lawyer who knows a couple going abroad to work for IJM, listens to podcasts from the pastor of the church I attend, and recommended books from an author I am already knee-deep interested in!

God is good!

I don't know why I am scared to trust Him with everything.

Really?

Who else could have perfectly executed those intimate details of our lives such that we would cross paths?

Our God is PERFECT! And a lot of times, I tend to forget that. I forget that He knows what I want to do with my life. I forget that He put those desires in my heart. Most of all, I forget that He controls everything and I should not be shocked by anything. He is amazing. That's all I can say.

So I am having lunch with this man's daughter this week. I guess we have similar interests. Who knew?

Scared to Jump

2009-06-22T20:10:00.000-05:00

I'm holding down the fort in Denton at UNT for the next two weeks! I spent 5 days helping my family unpack in Alabama, then I hopped on a plane headed back to Dallas to make some money.

So now I sit. In an office. Thus, I am here writing to you.

I thought I was doing better for a while with the "man issue." But that was only because I wasn't around men for four weeks. I was with my family. Loving on them. Serving them. Helping them. It was wonderful! I cannot wait to go back and spend more time with them. It is absolutely amazing how the Lord changed my wicked, loathsome, wretched, hard heart into a soft, loving, caring, compassionate new one! He is so Awesome.

But now I'm stuck, as Casting Crowns likes to say, "Somewhere in the Middle."

I love Jesus. But do I love Him enough to trust Him? With all of me?

Do I love Him enough to have faith that He will one day bring me a husband...if that is His will? Right now, even attempting to consider the alternative of lifelong singleness feels like I am standing at the edge of a cliff asking God whether or not I should jump into His loving arms.

But from up here (or rather, down here) they don't look very loving. They look scary. And big. Kind of like the Grand Canyon. I don't want to jump. I just want to sit on my rock and look in awe at the beauty of my Creator.

That's selfish faith, isn't it? That's not really faith at all.

What about kids? I went from not wanting any kids 6 months ago to now wanting 6. That's a precious miracle in itself! The Lord graciously placed this desire in my heart. But do I trust that He will abundantly fill that desire?

Right now? Do I have that kind of faith? Sadly, no.

I often find myself trying to fill that void. I want things done on my time. Kind of like Israel during Jacob's rule. No, exactly like Israel. This analogy that the Lord provides is not an analogy in my life:

Face the awful sins you have done. You are like a restless female camel desperately searching for a mate. You are like a wild donkey, sniffing the wind at mating time. Who can restrain her lust? Those who desire her don’t need to search, for she goes running to them! When will you stop running? When will you stop panting after other gods? [Jeremiah 2:23-25]

This is fact. And if I keep going down this road:

Your wickedness will bring its own punishment. Your turning from me will shame you. You will see what an evil, bitter thing it is to abandon the Lord your God and not to fear him. [Jer 2:19]

God's grace is a popular topic. Everyone wants to talk about how loving and merciful He is. And He is loving and merciful!

But God does not let us disobey Him and then make demands that He work in our favor. Should He? What loving father does not rebuke his child?

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." [Hebrews 12:5]

This passage is so encouraging for me!

It reminds me how much the Lord loves me. He loves me so much that I do not need to shed blood for my sins. He loves me so much that He will not sit back and let me continue to walk in sin. He loves me so much that His son's blood dripped from the cross in my place. He is a loving God!

So why am I so scared to jump?

There is no man issue. It comes down to a faith issue. The desparate, fleshly search for a husband is exhausting my heart because I do not trust my God who created me. I have shallow water faith in the deep end.

I think it's time to let myself sink and trust that the Lord will lift me up.

Running Without Faith

2009-06-12T14:11:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was tough.

Running was tough.

Lately, a lot of things have been tough…Because I’ve been relying on my own strength.

Foolish.

I’ve been working around my house for the past three days as the packers have been loading our house into boxes and the movers have been hauling it onto the 53 foot long 18 wheeler. My house in a truck. It’s an odd thought. But back to where I was…

So I was getting a little crazy. That kind of crazy sailors get when they are on a boat for too long.

Except I was on land.

In my house.

So I decided to go for a run.

It started out fair. Nothing out the ordinary. I was just running.

Then it got harder.

And harder.

And harder.

I thought my lungs were going to collapse. I thought my legs would give way. Duh, what did I expect? I was running on my own. Not with God.

I was tired and achy and down and certainly lacked faith.

So what did I do?

I sat down on the sidewalk.

Naturally.

I started sulking in self pity. “What do marathon runners have that I don’t? Where is my joy lately? God, why am I just going through the motions? What happened to all the great expectations I had for spiritual growth this summer? Why aren't you growing me?”

I was frustrated.

And bitter.

I expected God to grow me this summer. I demanded spiritual food.

Then a funny thing happened. As I was sitting on the bike path in the middle of a large field, a woman who looked like your picturesque triathlete passed me swiftly on a bike. Not any bike. A bike that real bikers use. The bikes that those mass group of athletes ride early on Saturday mornings. The bikes they ride to train for races.

Not only did this woman pass me in all of her athleticness.

She was wearing a cross.

A very visible, very shiny cross.

God has a sense of humor.

I was demanding spiritual food from God when I am an infant. Not ready for food. I could hardly drink milk. And God is merciful enough to give me milk. Even when I demand it. Grace is lovely.

After two more bikers passed I decided it was time to get up and trot home. So I started jogging.

Then I saw a very familiar car pass. The car that you don’t want to see. Ever. Not because it’s a car. Because the person inside of it is someone who you don’t want to see.

____________________________________________________________

At my small group we have been discussing forgiveness for the past two weeks. I thought I was over this. I thought I didn’t have to deal with this issue any more. But seeing that car struck a very deep chord in my heart and the Lord made it clear that I wasn’t done with this yet. I had not fully forgiven this person.

In all my humanness, I began justifying why he deserved forgiveness. Foolish. God is so great. He is so merciful. He forgives EVERYTHING. And He forgives me freely. Who am I to try to justify why this person deserves forgiveness???

Bear with each other and forgive grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. [Colossians 3:13]

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. [Matthew 18:21-22]

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. [Matthew 6:14-16]

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. [Mark 11:25]

The Lord is working on my heart.

I’ve asked Him to soften my hard heart toward some of my brothers and sisters.

It was a humbling run.

I learned a much needed lesson:

"We forgive out of obedience to the Lord. It is a choice, a decision we make. However, as we do this 'forgiving,' we discover the command is in place for our own good, and we receive the reward of our forgiveness – freedom."
–Unknown

I'm a Runner? What??

2009-06-06T22:01:00.000-05:00

I'm a runner?

Since when?

I remember the day my mom tried to teach me how to run.

I remember tears.

And blood.

And gravel.

And Bactine.

I miss Bactine. That stuff was awesome. Now we use hydrogen peroxide. Gross.

I began running in March with some women from my church to raise money for Compassion International. More importantly, I began running to discipline my life before God.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life
of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin
that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. [Hebrews 12:1]

Running? Me? Never.

Oh, but I can now confidently call myself a "runner". Weird.

But cool. Definitely cool.

So, five days ago I began training for the Chevron Houston Marathon on January 17, 2010.

32 weeks left.

Would you like to join me? You don't have to run the race. But a running buddy (whether it's 2 or 20 miles) would be nice! Or you could send some words of encouragement my way. Or start a fan club.

I'm just tossing ideas out there.

But a fan club would be legit.

Just saying.

Christ In Me

2009-05-31T00:21:00.000-05:00

To have my voice, but him speaking.
My steps, but Christ leading.
My heart, but his love beating
in me, through me, with me.
What's it like to have Christ on the inside?

To tap his strength when mine expires
or feel the force of heaven's fires
raging, purging wrong desires.
Could Christ become my self entire?

So much him, so little me
that in my eyes it's him they see.
What's it like to a Mary be?
No longer I, but Christ in me.

-Max Lucado, Next Door Savior

SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!

2009-05-29T15:56:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness, I am SO excited about this concert!

I can't even begin to tell you how happy I get just hearing the words "celebrate freedom" now!

If you live in the Dallas area, you should come. If you don't have weekend plans June 27, you should come. If you live in Africa and can afford a plane ticket and hotel to Dallas June 27, you should come!

Look at this lineup:

Newsboys
Kirk Franklin
Mikeschair
Lincoln Brewster
Kari Jobe
Selah
Sanctus Real
The Afters
Mark Schultz
Sarah Reeves
Josh Wilson
Leeland
Jeremy Camp
AND another headliner to be released Monday!

How sweet is this concert going to be? And, guess what...

IT'S FREE!!!!

That's right. All of these amazing artists and more for free! It gives me chills! And there are all kinds of other goodies too including a children's area featuring the largest slide in Texas, meet Bob and Larry from Veggie Tales LIVE, get a 5 minute massage for a donation, and a fireworks show to end it all!

God is so cool. He made us to worship:

All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.
[Psalm 86:9]'

Here's what John Piper has to say about worship:

We are a singing people. And there is a reason for this. The reality of God and Christ and creation and salvation and heaven and hell are simply too great for mere speaking; they must also be sung. This means that the reality of God and his work is so great that we are not merely to think truly about it, but also feel duly about it. Think truly and feel duly -that is, feel with the kind and depth and intensity of emotion that is appropriate to the reality that is truly known.

So music and singing are necessary to Christian faith and worship for the simple reason that the realities of God and Christ, creation and salvation,heaven and hell are so great that when they are known truly and felt duly, they demand more than discussion and analysis and description; they demand poetry and song and music. Singing is the Christian's way of saying: God is so great that thinking will not suffice, there must be deep feeling; and talking will not suffice, there must be singing.

I'll be there. I hope you will too!

Go HERE for more CF info!

Shades of Gray

2009-05-28T22:11:00.000-05:00

I have never colored my hair.

I never plan on coloring my hair.

Ever.

I don't have a lot of money, so I try to use what I have wisely...which includes spending $9.47 on ice cream for my sister and myself today. I know. I'm still learning how to save.

Regardless, I look forward to growing older:

Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.
[Proverbs 16:31]

I think of wrinkles as "lines of wisdom" and gray hair the sign of a life well lived. I look forward to having gray hair. I'm weird, I know.

But at 21 years of age!?!?!

Really??

I found 3 wirey, white, plain-as-day-gray hairs on my head last night.

For real? Isn't it a little bit early for this to be happening? Shouldn't I have at least a couple more years of flawless brown hair? ...kidding about the flawless part.

If it makes any difference, my grandpa was snow white at 30. Things could be worse...I could be losing hair. Actually, I was losing hair for a while. My dermatologist says I have tricorexanososis. A hair disease that makes more hair fall out than normal. I think he made it up. But the shampoo he recommended is sold at CVS! Yay for saving money and earning ECBs!!

Please don't let me dye my hair in the future.

Please help me save money.

Please remind me of this post when I am white.

Lady of Virtue

2009-05-27T22:22:00.000-05:00

I LOVE this book!!! I began reading it three nights ago and am absolutely in love with it! I'm reading a chapter a day. That gives me some time to answer the questions at the end of each chapter, read some scripture, and then put what I've read into practice the next day. Sweet, huh?

This chapter compares the lady of virtue to the "body beautiful" lady we see plastered all over magazine covers. Here's a quick test to see if you are developing your inner or outer beauty more diligently:

Lady of Virtue:

A person to whom all people are attracted (friendly)
Seeking God first
Interesting - with goals for yourself personally
Becoming the lady God wants you to be
Realistic
Truly interested in the person you date and his best interests
One who is spiritually challenging
One who gives friendship
One who communicates verbally
Committed to trusting God
Prepared for lasting friendships
Open to other friendships
Secure in the Lord
Building positive qualities in yourself
Trusting God
Patiently waiting

Body Beautiful:

Nice only to those who can help your dating status
Seeking a relationship first
"Shopping" - known to be looking for a husband
Waiting to be found
Living in romantic fantasy
Looking for your future in the relationship
Exciting sensuality
One who expects friendship
A wallflower
Clinging to a guy
Playing games
Possessive
Insecure without a "dream man"
Wanting him now
Trusting in schemes and plans to catch a man
On the hunt

Which are you?

Four months ago I was your class-A, case closed, poster child for the "body beautiful" woman. Like, a boy was a serious deciding factor when I changed churches this past semester. Pathetic.

But there's hope!

God is good!

He's proven faithful!!

Oh my goodness, He has done a number on my heart. But it takes TIME. The last thing we usually want. Debbie Jones and Jackie Kendall say:

"The qualities Ruth and Rebekah displayed do not come from the jewelry store [1 Peter 3:3]; neither are they activated the day someone places an engagement ring on your finger. Virtue is developed over time as you allow God's Spirit to do a special work in your life. It is the Holy Spirit, not you, who produces the godly character you seek."

How awesome is that?

I don't have to do anything except ask the Lord to change my heart!

...and repent when necessary.

Still! We women have it so easy compared to men! Reread Genesis. What part does Eve have in God making her from Adam's rib?

Nothing!

Eve does nothing!

I love it. I spent years searching for my McDreamy and this whole time I'm supposed to just be sleeping:

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. [Song of Solomon 3:5]

Trust me. I know it's hard. It is a challenge for me every day. But giving this whole thing over to God will lift such a burden off your shoulders.

Trust Him. Have faith that He will provide everthing you need to complete His will each day - each day on its own.

Really, who am I to help God find my husband? Can I really question whether He has it all together? No, silly. He made me! He's God!

For you created my inmost being; knit me together in my mother's womb. [Psalm 139:13]

Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me
were written in your book before one of them came to be. [Psalm 139:16]

So, the hunt is over. Quit searching. Stop going to that place at that certain time wearing that special outfit hoping he will notice you this time. I hate to break your heart, but if he is a godly man and he is not part of God's plan for you then hopefully he is sleeping too.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. [Matthew 6:33]
*For LOTS more talk on this subject and other wise words for women go here.

Much prayer needed

2009-05-26T14:44:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I started this blog one night with the intent of posting funny, awkward, strange, random, crazy stories of what happens when I, as a single girl, love God.

It's usually some pretty good stuff.

Like the time I thought I could wait to go to the bathroom until after I ran because I thought it would make me run faster.

False.

God bless the elderly couple that let me use their bathroom. Their house was so cute. To this day I do not know their names.

But in watching the clock tick away after spending countless hours on facebook and reading other people's blogs, I figured it was time to get down to business and really look at where I am not living purposefully. I'm a college girl. I have TONS of time. I have more time than any person should ever be allowed to have. If I could give some of that time to mothers and wives I totally would! I'm sure they could use it more wisely than me.

So it's time to start living intentionally. And that begins with prayer.

I need to pray about this blog and how (if at all) it will be used to glorify God. If not, then that's a few more hours wasted. But I'd rather it be a few hours than a few years. If this is part of God's plan then I'll see you soon!