I am a living dichotomy. My heart is broken in two for two separate places - one where I want to go and one where God seems to want me to go.

My heart breaks for orphans. All of them. Everywhere. Helpless babes unable to do anything except breathe...for now. Neglected, unloved by people. Half of my heart wants to swoop in and take up all of these precious little ones, to call them my own, to show them the love my Heavenly Father has so graciously shown me, to raise them up to be men and women of the Lord, to speak truth into their lives, to learn what it really means to have been adopted for life by my Savior. Part of me wants all of that.

The other part of my heart I don't want to talk about. It's secret. Dirty. Hostile. Dark. It's the part of me that does not want to go to Dallas, to minister to the wealthy, to love the rich, to remind myself constantly that they need Jesus just as much as the orphans. It's easy to love those you like. It's not easy to love those you hate. Yes, I said it. I'm a mocker, a scoffer, a judge, a punk to say the least. My heart is corrupted by ill-will for Dallas. The scariest part of all of this is the bible. "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love" (1 John 4:8).

Jesus, break my heart for those you died for, for those you love as much as the next, for those blinded by riches, fame, and the latest fashion. Bring me to my knees in prayer for the people of Dallas.