No more catchy titles

They take too much time to think up. Those are wasted seconds (In my opinion).

So here I am ready to do a heart dump on the internet. I don't care who reads it. I don't care who doesn't. I just need to throw up a little bit here.

It would be an understatement to say that every time someone asks me how I'm doing, I lie. My typical response is, "Oh, I'm doing good." or "Oh, things are great!" Usually it's a situational response at best.

Ask me how I'm doing now?

Answer: I'm struggling.

I'm struggling to understand how people live here in the United States. I'm struggling to understand why I am a college student, why I have been blessed with an amazing education, why my parents love me so much, why God saw fit to send Jesus to die for me, why He loves me that much, why I live in a nice house with a comfy bed...

and why I want to give all of that up to leave the United States and feed the poor, the unloved, the destitute, and the dirty in a remote impoverished village in a third world country.

My heart beats wildly at the idea! No, at the reality that this is something I could actually do. I can pick up and leave! I am not tied down to anything at this time in my life. I graduate in December and have zero plans for what's to come.

Psalm 139 has never felt more real.

"O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it."

He knows me. He KNOWS me. My every thought before I think it. My every word before I speak it. And I am confident I can trust Him because He knows me better than I know myself. Right now, when I can choose to run in 148 different directions, that is comforting.

It is also comforting to know that my every day has already been planned. I don't know where I will be in 6 months. I don't know where I will be in 6 days or 6 hours. Heck, I may be with Jesus himself!

But I know that God will direct my steps on whatever path I choose to take.